Friday, June 6, 2008

The Biggest Gimme In Sports History!!

A guy named Jeff Gordon (no, not that one) wrote an article chronicling the 10 biggest human train wrecks in sports history. What I don't understand is... why he bothered. Here's who's on the list and why...

Mike Tyson - Raping people, cannibalism, wanting to fight Kimbo.
Dennis Rodman - Cross-dressing, starring in Double Team, touching Karl Malone's no-no place.
Jose Canseco - Gee, I dunno... Jose's such an upstanding guy.
OJ Simpson - his portrayal of Detective Nordberg in the Naked Gun series.
John Daly - Trying to eat his ex-wife. Literally.
Tonya Harding - Ruining Paula Jones' plastic surgery.
Pete Rose - People seem to think that he bet on baseball.
Diego Maradona - Who?
Denny McLain - Gambling, secret desire to be The Biggest Dope Man.
Tommy Morrison - Taking cheap shots at Rocky.

So here's what I don't get. Tyson's in the spotlight for wanting to fight Kimbo. Canseco put out a new book. OJ got arrested for tryin' to get some paper... but none of these people are NEW to the list in any way? They've all been crazy for at least 10 years.

I could understand writing this list if you were going to add someone to the list or if you were building a case for someone's removal from it, but to just write a list like this, where 95% of the references are extremely dated, and have been covered and covered again, doesn't make sense to me.

So here are some people that belong on a list of sports greatest train wrecks:

Terrell Owens - Suicide attempts, guest appearances in Bang-Bros porn, staring lustily at the ass of a stripper.
Coco Crisp - Grabbing at the junk of a small Japanese man.

Chris Henry - Gun charges, sex crimes, gun charges, DUI, gun charges, providing alcohol to minors, playing for the Bengals, gun charges, drug use, gun charges, assaulting a valet, drug use, gun charges.

Jason Giambi - Porn 'stache, sharing gold-lamé tiger-striped thong with teammates.


  1. im tired of hearing about them people too. yours were funnier

  2. Well, I try... you know? At least the people I'm talking about have done something in the last 10 years.