Monday, May 5, 2008

Where Should I Start?

I know exactly where to start...

Ned Colletti (the GM of the Dodgers) is a complete fucking moron. He continues signing washed up veterans to expensive contracts, not only bloating his payroll, but blocking his young players from breaking into the big leagues.

You're the Dodgers. You have Andre Ethier, Matt Kemp, James Loney, Delwyn Young and a slew of young prospect-type players. Tons and tons of cheap, controllable players with talent out the wazoo. You can mix a few savvy vets (Jeff Kent, Rafael Furcal, Derek Lowe, etc.) in there, and just win with those kids. If you're a GM, how can you possibly fuck this up?

Well, you could spend $91M on 8 years of Juan Pierre and Jason Schmidt... but that's old news.

Here's a great idea! Lets give $18M to Andruw Jones! You know, to reward him for getting fat and slow and looking disinterested in the game of baseball in 2007! And in the process, let's block those prospects from getting playtime!

That's right. Matt Kemp (.324/.348/.495) and Andre Ethier (.303/.388/.465) have to battle for playing time with the corpse of Andruw Jones (.163/.274/.255) and Juan Pierre (who's actually out to a nice start). Delwyn Young gets to ride pine.

For those of you waiting for Andruw Jones to break out of his slump... I hate to disappoint you, but it's not going to happen. You heard it here. Andruw Jones is fucking DONE. Why do I say that? Here's why...

The guy costs himself untold millions of dollars by having a shitty walk year. He's LUCKY that there's a sucker like Colletti to give him a one-year deal worth as much money as he got. So you'd figure he's motivated to show teams that he still wants to play, right?

Wrong. He comes to Dodger camp wearing a fucking D-Cup bra. Okay, not literally, but you get the picture. Fatter and more lethargic than ever. That's why Ethier and Kemp are losing at bats. So that $62 Million Dollars worth of .330 OBP Juan Pierre and 330 Lbs. of Andruw Jones can kill the Dodgers.

I know Frank McCourt (the Dodgers Owner) was pissed about hiring a smart guy who used numbers and computers and shit (Paul DePodesta) and not winning... but to swing a 180 and hire a schmuck like Colletti and stand by him as he literally shits out dollars on the remains Nomar Garciaparra, Jason Schmidt, Andruw Jones, Juan Pierre and Esteban Loaiza... Jesus Hfucking Christ!!

I mean... what did DePodesta do that was so fucking wrong? Paul Lo Duca, Juan Encarnacion and Guillermo Mota for Brad Penny and Hee Seop Choi? He signed Derek Lowe, J.D. Drew and Jeff Kent.

Kent and Lowe aren't amazing, but they're signed to reasonable contracts, and they're solid players. Drew kind of fucked the Dodgers over, but for the two years he was there, he performed... and now he's doing Coco Crisp impersonations in Boston. So what's the problem?

Hey McCourt... this is what happens when you fire your GM on the advice of a sentence-fragment poet like Bill Platschke.

You go from having a guy who can mug Brad Penny from the Marlins for a juicer and a statutory a guy who inks the post-mortem 2002 All-Star Team.

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