Friday, May 16, 2008

Interleague Gay...

Haha... Interleague Gay! Get it? Like Interleague Play? That's wordplay my friends. Wordplay. I want to start by saying that I don't like Jeff Passan. I don't like him one bit. Something about him is just "too cool for school" and that's my job. And since I'm in the business of partial full disclosure, I'll also admit that I don't like interleague play. I think it's a waste of time... and I live in New York, where Yankees-Mets is supposedly a massive rivalry. Big fucking yippee. Interleague play blows. I'd rather play 6 more games against Toronto and Baltimore.

Jeff Passan likes interleague play and wants to improve it with a bunch of dipshitty ideas that he conjured from his wealth of intellect (see: Pulled out of his ass.)

I like interleague play.

Yes Jeff, I told them that already.

Wow, that felt good.

Well, you're welcome. I wanted everybody to know where you were coming from before I make you look like a dickhead.

There is no support group for the afflicted. Though Major League Baseball contends that interleague play is popular and backs it up with compelling attendance figures, the advocates get drowned out by the minority, who are a lot like Ron Paul supporters: loud, passionate and fighting a fight that was long ago lost.

Oh, you meant that saying you liked interleague play felt good. Ingrateful little prick. And yeah, interleague play sells some tickets, primarily in cities that actually have an NL Rival to play. I can't imagine Kansas City vs. Florida being a particularly big draw. And fuck Ron Paul. Haha stupid libertarian! He has no supporters!!!

The brilliant idea: Home-field advantage in World Series goes to the league with the best record in interleague play.

Passan credits some jerk-off blogger with this idea, which is good, because its the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. Isn't it bad enough that the All-Star game decides home field advantage in the World Series? Now you want the results of the fucking Giants vs. Tigers to impact it?!

Here's a revolutionary idea! How about we give home-field in the World Series to the team with the best record for the 162-game season!! How about that... just as a change of pace? Does that make too much fucking sense? The aggregate interleague play record deciding homefield... gah!

The logical idea: Designated hitter in both parks.
To make the first idea fair, MLB needs to implement this one. Don’t punish the AL by making its pitchers hit. Give NL fans a chance to see the DH in their home parks a few times a season. If these games are going to count for home field, there can be no sign of league bias.

So in order to remove "league bias" we're going to play ALL the games by AL rules? Wouldn't this be punishing NL teams by exploiting the fact that most of them don't have a Designated Hitter on their payroll, because they only need one for about 12 games a year? The best way to remove "league bias" would probably be to play half the games by AL rules and the other half by NL rules... sort of the way they do NOW!!!

The outlandish idea: The interleague draft.

Let me just explain this one as best as I can. Basically, we alternating league by year, and let the teams draft an interleague series.

With the 7th pick, the Atlanta Braves choose to play the Tampa Bay Rays!! Yeah! Great idea! Fans LOVE drafts! And those crazy New York Jets fans can come and boo everybody's picks!!

My prime criticism of this idea is that it makes absolutely no fucking sense. None at all. Secondly, a 3-game series, in the grand scheme of a full season, is so beyond meaningless that it's not even slightly amusing. We're going to have a draft and waste everybody's fucking time over a 3-game series against the interleague team of your choice? That is a profoundly fucking stupid suggestion.

I like interleague play without these suggestions.

Well that's a good thing, because your ideas are fucking stupid and will never happen.

Just not as much as I do with them.

Then disregard the above sentence. Sorry to shit in your Froot Loops, Jeff Passan.

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