Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Blog-on-Blog Crime!!

Do you know who Ted Robinson is? Yeahhhhhh, you do. That play-by-play guy. He writes a blog over at MSNBC. And he's telling us how some of baseballs big name signings are working out so far. Lets just say there's a reason he's a play-by-play guy and not an analyst.


KOSUKE FUKUDOME: He came a lot cheaper to the Cubs than last year’s marquee signing, Alfonso Soriano, and he will probably be a better overall offensive player by season’s end.

Hahaha. Fukudome. Fuck-You-Do-Me!! Fuck-you-dome!! That guy's name reminds me of Eddie Murphy!!

Hahaha, fuck youuuuuuu Eddie!! Fuck youuuuuu do me!!!! What was I talking about? Ted Robinson! I remember!! Fukudome has one homer in 121 at bats. That .322/.415/.463 is probably going to come down... and when it does, Fukudome is going to look like a pretty average player.

Soriano is good for 30+ homers and 40+ doubles every year. If his legs are healthy, he's going to steal some bases, and if stupid ass Lou Pinella would sober up and get him out of the leadoff spot, he'd probably drive in 100+ runs like he did when he batted 5th in Texas in 2005.

TOM GLAVINE: Nothing outstanding but exactly what the Braves expect from a 42-year-old Hall of Famer -- steady pitching that lives up to today’s demands that starters “keep their team in the game.”

If Glavine's "nothing outstanding" then why is he filed under "Passing with Flying Colors"? Sounds more like "Holding His Own" or "Surviving because he's a Lefty".

EDGAR RENTERIA: He is hitting for Detroit but can he calm concerns over diminished range?

Again... passing with flying colors? He's hitting enough... but he has shitty range. Sounds like he's doing a great job.


ERIC GAGNE: Some horrific blown saves are buttressed by sturdy outings including an impressive appearance Thursday at Wrigley Field, the site of his Opening Day nightmares. He’s still throwing in the 91-93 mph range.

Umm... what? Are we talking about the Eric Gagne who's blown 5 saves in the first month of the season? The Eric Gagne with a 1.705 WHIP? The Eric Gagne who's allowed 4 gophers in his first 15 innings this year? He's holding his own... yeah. Mmmkay.


ANDRUW JONES: Overweight and sluggish at the plate, he told all in the spring not to worry. Well, 29 strikeouts in his first 88 at-bats equal full-blown worry.

Admittedly, "In Danger of Failing" is as bad as it gets here. Maybe Ted Robinson is taking into account that you can't judge a guy based on the first month of the year. However, Jones played baseball like The Living Dead last year... which cost him a gabillion dollars. So what does Jones do? He goes to the Dodgers, gets even fatter and plays even worse. I've said it before, I'll say it again. Andruw Jones is done.

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