So Sue Me!?

This is the kind of story that makes me think that women and sports just don't go together quite as well as we'd all hoped they would.

Yup, Kaitlin Dauner is suing her school, Indian Hills, for an injury she sustained while playing for their girls basketball team.

The team played an informal scrimmage against the boys, and poor Kaitlin suffered a separated shoulder when the game became "excessively physical." She blames this on the school's failure to provide "adequate supervision, referees or athletic trainers" for the scrimmage.

So what she's saying is that every time you get banged up playing a little bit of street ball, you should file a suit against your buddies for pain and suffering. Because that's what this amounts to.

When you think about it, you've got women competing in mixed martial arts, college and professional basketball, softball, football, hockey, boxing and just about anything else that men are willing to strap on a helmet or a jockstrap to play.

And while the obvious knock against women's sports is the lack of skill and athleticism featured by men (largely due to the fact that, at least in our era, women don't get the same level of training, and most times, don't start playing as young as the guys), the toughness of the female athlete has never been called into question quite this way before.

The irony is, that quite often, women have proven able to show the sort of sportsmanship (sportswomanship?) and reason that's often missing in the men's game. Like in this story, where Sara Tucholsky homered, then tore ligaments in her knee... and was carried around the bases by her opponents, Mallory Holtzman and Liz Wallace.

Could you ever, in a million years, imagine Roger Clemens coming off the mound, and with the help of Derek Jeter... carrying David Eckstein around the bases after a home run? And now that you've tried to imagine it, isn't it sorta funny? I'm getting off the topic.

Think about the story above. What if Sara Tucholsky would have sued, blaming the injury on the "excessively physical" nature of the sport she chose to play?

My guess is that nobody put a gun to Kaitlin Dauner's head and made her play against the boys. She chose to, because as any female athlete will probably tell you, women LOVE getting a chance to show that they can hold their own against the guys.

In closing, Kaitlin, you should drop the suit... and try to show that you're at least TRYING to be as tough as these girls. They don't look very tough there. How about here? Still not tough enough. What about now? Or this one? Yeah,. that's more like it.

Can you tell that I'm enjoying having a reason to link pictures to the Lingerie Bowl? I won't apologize for that. It's why you all love me.

Getcha Popcorn!! Mets Analysis!!!

Haha, I stole T.O.'s line! Getcha popcorn! This is actually terrific. Peter Botte at the Daily News did an article called "Ten Ways to Fix the Mets" today. Why is that terrific? Because I wanted to cover this situation, because I've got some ideas on how to fix the Mets too. So go read Pete's ideas if you want... but here are my ideas.

1) Jose Reyes: Here's the problem with Reyes. Teams have figured him out a little bit, and now it's time for him to adjust... except that he's not doing it. He's only 25 (and not related to Miguel Tejada) so this isn't an age/decline issue. It's that pitchers have learned that Reyes will chase the high ball and pop it up. On balls in the air, his speed is 100% negated. He needs to lay off and force them to come down, and then that average and OBP will likely jump another 20-30 points. Also, he needs to stop running every time he gets on base. I don't care how fast you are. If the pitcher and catcher KNOW you're going, they're going to catch you.

2) Aaron Heilman: Heilman never wanted to be a bullpen guy but ended up there because he was a bust as a starter. His trade value is shit right now, he's nearing free agency and he's pitching like shit.

Send him down to AAA, bring up Carlos Muniz for now. Start the process of convering Heilman to a starter again and let him spend the next month or two beating up on AAA hitters, looking good. He wants to start, so the transition will probably amp him up. Tout his improvement and rumor him as the "Mets Rotation Fix" for the second half. In other words, hype him and build up his value. Then see what you can get for him via trade, whether its prospects to replenish the system (assuming the team is 10+ games back by then) or something to help now (> 10 games back).

3) Mike Pelfrey: Pelfrey was overrated from the start and 81 Ks in 143 IP over 3 years = not the power pitcher he was supposed to be. Why? Because there's no movement on his ball... but that's besides the point.

Again, send him down. Let him beat up on AAA hitters and improve his value. By the deadline, you send him to the Cincinatti Reds with a guy like Jon Niese (in the minors) or maybe even Aaron Heilman for Adam Dunn. The Reds want to move Dunn because they can't pay him. The Mets can, and he'd help their offense a LOT.

4) Carlos Delgado: People want to cut his time. Dumb. People want to cut him outright. Also dumb. He's in the last year of his contract, so there are teams that will be willing to take a shot that he comes out of his funk. It might cost some money, but it'll still be less money than it costs to keep or cut Delgado, and maybe you get something useful back. Like maybe Rob Quinlan from Anaheim. Or Ryan Garko from the Indians. Lyle Overbay from Toronto.

In other words, somebody who's a few years younger, who might actually be able to help, because Delgado couldn't suck more if he was a vacuum cleaner with an Iron Man's Arc Reactor powering him.

5) The Outfield: Beltran, Church, Alou, Endy Chavez, Marlon Anderson, Angel Pagan, Brady Clark, Nick Evans, Damion Easley, garbage, trash, garbage. If you make the Pelfrey/Heilman-for-Dunn trade that I suggested... now you've got Beltran, Dunn, Church, Alou in that mix. That's not so bad, especially with Church and Alou platooning and Dunn hitting 40 bombs a year. Every at bat that's taken by Chavez, Anderson, Pagan, Clark, Evans or Easley is another nail in the Mets 2008 coffin.

6) Rotation and Bullpen: Santana and Maine are givens. Claudio Vargas has been decent. Perez should be better than he's been. And hopefully the combination of Pedro and Duque can fill in the blanks. It's the 5-starter, if you can find majors-average innings here, you're okay.

In the pen, Wagner's as good as you're going to get for now (although he should be banned from doing radio shows, and ordered to shut the fuck up forever.) Smith, Feliciano and Schoeneweis are solid arms. Muniz can probably give you good innings out of the minors. Eddie Kunz might also be able to help out of the minors. And why not a guy like Robert Parnell out of the minors as a long-man? Again, it would be better than what's already there.

So to summarize:

• Reyes lays off the high stuff and stops running so much.


• Delgado + Cash for Quinlan/Overbay/Garko/someone with a pulse.


• Heilman + Pelfrey for Adam Dunn


• Church + Alou platooning in the OF with Dunn and Beltran


• Muniz + Kunz + maybe Parnell in the bullpen.


• Billy Wagner is not allowed to talk.

It can all be done within the next 2 months, and if the Mets are still within 7 or 8 games by the time it's all done, they might be able to mount a second-half charge at the overachieving Marlins and the still-sorta-shitty Phillies for the NL East.

I've done my best to be objective here, as I hate the Mets. My original suggestion for fixing them was going to be to disband them... but I tried to think like a GM. Feel free to comment your opinions. And just because I can...

And for the record, this vid was made by an alleged Mets fan... so I'm trying to be gentle with you guys. Scroll down and look at the ones the Cubs and White Sox got... heh.

Bush League!!

Few people know this, but one of my favorite things in the sport of baseball is when somebody calls something "Bush League."

Here are the two latest examples. And here's the other one.

Sounds like sour grapes from a couple of mediocre players who lost the respective games. Know what I think is Bush League?

Giving up 6 runs (4 earned) on 5 hits and 5 walks in 5 innings against the Washington Nationals. Know what else is Bush League? Pitching in Taiwan because major league teams don't want you.

As for Dellucci, know what I think is Bush? Having a career OPS+ of 101. Know what else is Bush? Having a baseball career that's best compared by age (by baseballreference.com) to that hitting stud Cito Gaston!!

For the record, here's the closest thing to -real- BUSH LEAGUE!

David Dellucci needs to shut the fuck up. He's your typical, not-very-good-white-guy-with-a-reputation-as-a-grinder. He's gritty and gutty and gritty mcgutty gritten guts. And if his skin had any pigment at all, he'd probably be out of baseball, because apparently pigmented skin is the anti-grit. You're not Old School. You just suck.

And as for Nelson Figueroa, I don't buy into all that "heartwarming story" shit about this guy traversing the globe to try to get back into the majors. I don't care. He's a mediocre pitcher at best, which is why nobody wants him for very long. He has a job because Omar Minaya likes Latin players and he was available.

If you're a shitty player... and you get shown up by better players who are in the process of kicking your ass... do yourself a favor. Have some class and just shut the fuck up. Be the bigger man or something. You know all about moral victories... because you're a loser. So take one here and go away.

The Florida Marlins Winning the World Series Forever...

What the hell am I talking about? The Marlins suck. And their payroll this year is like $22.50! They ain't winning shit. Well, they're out to a decent start... but seriously, there's no way they're going to sustain it in a division full of teams with money to spend and more talent.

What I'm talking about is... the fucking list of players they've dealt off in the last 5 years. This topic came up a couple of days ago in a sort of accidental conversation and we wound up running off a list of Marlins players to leave via Free Agency or get traded.

Just for shits and giggles, lets take guys on their current roster plus the guys who've been allowed to leave and see what kind of team we'd have.

C - Ivan Rodriguez, Paul Lo Duca
1B - Derek Lee, Mike Jacobs
2B - Luis Castillo, Dan Uggla
3B - Mike Lowell
SS - Hanley Ramirez
LF - Miguel Cabrera (he played here before he started hacking it up at 3rd)
CF - Juan Pierre
RF - Jeremy Hermida

SP - Josh Beckett, Dontrelle Willis, A.J. Burnett, Brad Penny, Scott Olsen

60-Day Disabled List - Carl Pavano

Yes, I completely realize that without giving up Lowell and Beckett, there's no Hanley. And that Pudge and Lo Duca kind of suck now. And Luis Castillo walks with a limp. Whatever.

This team, especially the pitching staff, would win the NL East by 20 fucking games every year. It's actually really fucking disgusting that a shitty, cheap, profiteering cocksucker of an owner is allowed to repeatedly ruin a team and hold an entire city hostage for a ballpark... especially after the same profiteering cocksucker did the SAME FUCKING THING in Montreal on the way to having their city stripped of the right to having a baseball team.

Jeffrey Loria should be fucked by a gorilla. Or at least eaten by bears.

Blog-on-Blog Crime!!

Do you know who Ted Robinson is? Yeahhhhhh, you do. That play-by-play guy. He writes a blog over at MSNBC. And he's telling us how some of baseballs big name signings are working out so far. Lets just say there's a reason he's a play-by-play guy and not an analyst.

PASSING WITH FLYING COLORS

KOSUKE FUKUDOME: He came a lot cheaper to the Cubs than last year’s marquee signing, Alfonso Soriano, and he will probably be a better overall offensive player by season’s end.

Hahaha. Fukudome. Fuck-You-Do-Me!! Fuck-you-dome!! That guy's name reminds me of Eddie Murphy!!



Hahaha, fuck youuuuuuu Eddie!! Fuck youuuuuu do me!!!! What was I talking about? Ted Robinson! I remember!! Fukudome has one homer in 121 at bats. That .322/.415/.463 is probably going to come down... and when it does, Fukudome is going to look like a pretty average player.

Soriano is good for 30+ homers and 40+ doubles every year. If his legs are healthy, he's going to steal some bases, and if stupid ass Lou Pinella would sober up and get him out of the leadoff spot, he'd probably drive in 100+ runs like he did when he batted 5th in Texas in 2005.

TOM GLAVINE: Nothing outstanding but exactly what the Braves expect from a 42-year-old Hall of Famer -- steady pitching that lives up to today’s demands that starters “keep their team in the game.”

If Glavine's "nothing outstanding" then why is he filed under "Passing with Flying Colors"? Sounds more like "Holding His Own" or "Surviving because he's a Lefty".

EDGAR RENTERIA: He is hitting for Detroit but can he calm concerns over diminished range?

Again... passing with flying colors? He's hitting enough... but he has shitty range. Sounds like he's doing a great job.

HOLDING THEIR OWN

ERIC GAGNE: Some horrific blown saves are buttressed by sturdy outings including an impressive appearance Thursday at Wrigley Field, the site of his Opening Day nightmares. He’s still throwing in the 91-93 mph range.

Umm... what? Are we talking about the Eric Gagne who's blown 5 saves in the first month of the season? The Eric Gagne with a 1.705 WHIP? The Eric Gagne who's allowed 4 gophers in his first 15 innings this year? He's holding his own... yeah. Mmmkay.

IN DANGER OF FAILING

ANDRUW JONES: Overweight and sluggish at the plate, he told all in the spring not to worry. Well, 29 strikeouts in his first 88 at-bats equal full-blown worry.

Admittedly, "In Danger of Failing" is as bad as it gets here. Maybe Ted Robinson is taking into account that you can't judge a guy based on the first month of the year. However, Jones played baseball like The Living Dead last year... which cost him a gabillion dollars. So what does Jones do? He goes to the Dodgers, gets even fatter and plays even worse. I've said it before, I'll say it again. Andruw Jones is done.