Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Proof That Steroids Are a Non-Story!

Look out everybody, Barry Bonds is due to join a contending lineup in the near-future!! Why? Because whether or not you've taken massive amounts of PEDs no longer matters at all! Proof you say? I've got your proof right here.

Yup, the American Mustache Institute has officially offered their support to Jason Giambi!! They want him to play in the All-Star Game!! They're going to vote for him!! They're throwing the massive weight of their coalition behind the formerly-embattled slugger and pushing him for the final roster spot for this month's All-Star Game at Yankee Stadium!!

"It doesn't take a mathematician to figure out that Jason Giambi's hitting prowess, plus a fashionable mustache, equals a bona fide All-Star," Aaron Perlut, executive director of The American Mustache Institute, says in the release.

So there you go Jason, you don't even have to pack any bags to play in the game, because it's at your home ballpark!! And you've got the support of like 11 guys with mustaches like this voting for you!!

Mind you, none of them own a computer, so they're just going to go to a couple of games and fill out the hand-written ballots... and it's probably too late to even presume that those things are being counted and tabulated into the results, but with that kind of support, how can you possibly lose?!

And just for the hell of it, here's another crazy mustache! This guy actually goes out in public like that!!

There's an American fucking Mustache Institute!! This is more disturbing than when I discovered that midgets actually have their own organization!

This is more disturbing than when some guy tried to say that "The Pursuit of Happiness" in the Declaration of Independence was proof of legalized beastiality.

I could come up with several more of these flawed analogies... but I figure I'll leave this type of humor to the real pro.

And also he's a ninjaaaaaaa!

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