Here's the list...
It was written by some guy. The cool thing about it is that "some guy" might actually have less credibility than me! Well, I'm gonna steal his idea with a very slight variation. Baseball players with Porn names... but specifically CHICK PORN NAMES!!! If you saw girls with these names chowing box in a girl-on-girl movie, you wouldn't bat an eye about it. Just for the hell of it, I'm gonna link chick pictures whenever possible!!!
1) Kosuke Fukudome - How can anybody possibly beat this name? Break it down by syllable! Fuck-You, Do Me!!!!!!! What's more porn than that!?
2) Chase Headley - Hahaha, his name actually involves the words "Chase Head"
3) B.J. Upton - Girls named B.J. can go a long way in the business.
4) Kerry Wood - Kerri? Never the less, she loves the wood.
5) Dana Eveland - Just think of the name Eve Land, as a secondary innuendo for the vagina, in an Adam and Eve sort of way.
6) Joey Devine - Yeah, I'm picking on the Oakland A's. I didn't give this guy the same last name as Ava.
7) Dallas McPherson - Brings new meaning to Debbie Does Dallas.
8) Jesse Litsch - If you say it fast... or if you call him Jesse-liscious. Which isn't a stretch.
9) Coco Crisp - First search of the name Coco on Google Images. I rest my case.
10) Randy Winn - Who also should have made the male list... with a name like RANDY. That goes both ways...
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Pacman Being Profiled?
I figure I should at least glance over this new Don Imus garbage, since I tore into Jemele Hill yesterday. In the name of fairness and all that.
I'll start by saying that I don't hate Pacman Jones. I probably should, because he's an imbecile, but I don't because... well, he amuses me. Come on, you giggled a little when he pulled that "make it rain" stunt with the garbage bag full of dollar bills.
Don Imus made sure to point out that Pacman's black when his arrest record was brought up and concluded "Well, there you go. We know why" he's been arrested so many times.
Well, Imus needed to weasel off the racist hook, so here we go...
“What people should be outraged about is that they arrest blacks for no reason,” Imus said Tuesday. “I mean, there’s no reason to arrest this kid six times. Maybe he did something once, but everyone does something once.”
Lets see what Adam Jones' wikipedia page says on the subject.
On July 13, 2005 Jones was arrested on charges of assault and felony vandalism stemming from a nightclub altercation.
On October 2005, in a petition filed by the State of West Virginia, it was alleged that Jones had not made regular and sufficient contact with his probation officer
On August 25, 2006, Jones was arrested in Murfreesboro, Tennessee for disorderly conduct and public intoxication after claiming that a woman stole his wallet. She claimed that she did not steal anything and Jones spat on her. Police officers said they ordered Jones to leave several times, but he refused, continuing to shout profanities at the woman.
On October 26, 2006. Jones was cited for misdemeanor assault for allegedly spitting in the face of a female student from Tennessee State University during a private party at Club Mystic, a Nashville nightclub.
Jones also is set to appear in a Fayetteville, Georgia court in 2007 for his February 2006 incident on subpoenas for felony and misdemeanor obstruction of justice charges for an incident outside a home.
On June 18, 2007 Jones was sought by police for questioning after a shooting at an Atlanta strip club allegedly involved members of his entourage.
And that's without talking about the Vegas thing... read that one for yourself.
Here are the highlights.
1) Pacman grabbing a stripper by the hair and slamming her head on the stage because she was taking money that he dropped out of a garbage bag onto the stage at a strip club without his permission.
2) Jones threatening the life of the security guard who stopped him from making a bass drum out of a girl's head.
3) A member of Pacman's entourage returning to the club and shooting the security guard who's life Jones had just threatened. The guard is now paralyzed. Forever.
So lets summarize. Two shootings. Two instances of spitting on a woman. Two assault charges. Vandalism. Skipping out on his probie.
Yeah Imus, sounds to me like he's being unfairly targeted. What kind of fucking country is this when a guy can't take 27 of his closest friends, go to a gentleman's club, practice his crossover with the foreheads of strippers and then shoot the place up without getting arrested!!
There go my plans for Friday night.
I'll start by saying that I don't hate Pacman Jones. I probably should, because he's an imbecile, but I don't because... well, he amuses me. Come on, you giggled a little when he pulled that "make it rain" stunt with the garbage bag full of dollar bills.
Don Imus made sure to point out that Pacman's black when his arrest record was brought up and concluded "Well, there you go. We know why" he's been arrested so many times.
Well, Imus needed to weasel off the racist hook, so here we go...
“What people should be outraged about is that they arrest blacks for no reason,” Imus said Tuesday. “I mean, there’s no reason to arrest this kid six times. Maybe he did something once, but everyone does something once.”
Lets see what Adam Jones' wikipedia page says on the subject.
On July 13, 2005 Jones was arrested on charges of assault and felony vandalism stemming from a nightclub altercation.
On October 2005, in a petition filed by the State of West Virginia, it was alleged that Jones had not made regular and sufficient contact with his probation officer
On August 25, 2006, Jones was arrested in Murfreesboro, Tennessee for disorderly conduct and public intoxication after claiming that a woman stole his wallet. She claimed that she did not steal anything and Jones spat on her. Police officers said they ordered Jones to leave several times, but he refused, continuing to shout profanities at the woman.
On October 26, 2006. Jones was cited for misdemeanor assault for allegedly spitting in the face of a female student from Tennessee State University during a private party at Club Mystic, a Nashville nightclub.
Jones also is set to appear in a Fayetteville, Georgia court in 2007 for his February 2006 incident on subpoenas for felony and misdemeanor obstruction of justice charges for an incident outside a home.
On June 18, 2007 Jones was sought by police for questioning after a shooting at an Atlanta strip club allegedly involved members of his entourage.
And that's without talking about the Vegas thing... read that one for yourself.
Here are the highlights.
1) Pacman grabbing a stripper by the hair and slamming her head on the stage because she was taking money that he dropped out of a garbage bag onto the stage at a strip club without his permission.
2) Jones threatening the life of the security guard who stopped him from making a bass drum out of a girl's head.
3) A member of Pacman's entourage returning to the club and shooting the security guard who's life Jones had just threatened. The guard is now paralyzed. Forever.
So lets summarize. Two shootings. Two instances of spitting on a woman. Two assault charges. Vandalism. Skipping out on his probie.
Yeah Imus, sounds to me like he's being unfairly targeted. What kind of fucking country is this when a guy can't take 27 of his closest friends, go to a gentleman's club, practice his crossover with the foreheads of strippers and then shoot the place up without getting arrested!!
There go my plans for Friday night.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Jemele Hill's Apology
It's not a Buzz Bissinger... but we'll take (a dump all over) it...
The beginning is easy: I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being thoughtless and insensitive.
And offensive to Jews, Veterans, Mel Gibson, the Reagan Administration and basically all of America?
I'm sorry for making a casual reference to something that should never be construed as casual.
Saying that being a Celtics fan is akin to thinking "Hitler was a victim" isn't really a casual reference. Something about mentioning Hitler is never casual. Unless it's Emo Hitler.
Real apologies don't mix with rationalizations, so I won't insult your intelligence by offering you any.
But you just rationalized it by saying that these were "casual references." That's a rationalization. And I bet you're going to spend a page-and-a-half rationalizing it further, aren't you? My intelligence is bracing for insult.
This isn't about my editors because even if the word "Hitler" never appeared in the posted column last Saturday, that doesn't change the fact that I wrote it and, at the time, found humor in making a moronic comparison between a man who was responsible for killing millions to Detroiters who root for the Boston Celtics.
This sounds a lot like rationalization. Although it's good to know that you thought it was funny when you wrote it. I thought you were going for shock effect. Now I realize that you actually laughed about it, and I'm actually more insulted.
This is about my living up to a standard I expect of everyone else -- respect, awareness, honesty and accountability.
It's kind of about being a hypocrite Jemele. You've been writing about the topic of race and racism for the last year-and-a-half. You've torn into every white person who's given you ANY reason. You've basically demanded the heads of Don Imus and Kelly Tilghman for similar (but not nearly as offensive) remarks on LIVE BROADCASTS.
The difference is that Don Imus and Kelly Tilghman don't get to take back the words they say. You're writing an article, which you presumably re-read and edit in some manner. You had numerous chances to adhere to that "standard" of yours. You failed at "respect" and "awareness" when you made the remarks. And this apology isn't doing much for "honesty" or "accountability."
In January, I wrote about Kelly Tilghman, the Golf Channel anchor who was suspended two weeks for joking on the air that young players should "lynch [Tiger Woods] in a back alley." I wrote, "... those who, like Woods, believed this is a 'non-issue' would understand that the word 'lynch' is off-limits to most blacks, just as joking about the Holocaust is off-limits to most Jews."
The beginning is easy: I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being thoughtless and insensitive.
And offensive to Jews, Veterans, Mel Gibson, the Reagan Administration and basically all of America?
I'm sorry for making a casual reference to something that should never be construed as casual.
Saying that being a Celtics fan is akin to thinking "Hitler was a victim" isn't really a casual reference. Something about mentioning Hitler is never casual. Unless it's Emo Hitler.
Real apologies don't mix with rationalizations, so I won't insult your intelligence by offering you any.
But you just rationalized it by saying that these were "casual references." That's a rationalization. And I bet you're going to spend a page-and-a-half rationalizing it further, aren't you? My intelligence is bracing for insult.
This isn't about my editors because even if the word "Hitler" never appeared in the posted column last Saturday, that doesn't change the fact that I wrote it and, at the time, found humor in making a moronic comparison between a man who was responsible for killing millions to Detroiters who root for the Boston Celtics.
This sounds a lot like rationalization. Although it's good to know that you thought it was funny when you wrote it. I thought you were going for shock effect. Now I realize that you actually laughed about it, and I'm actually more insulted.
This is about my living up to a standard I expect of everyone else -- respect, awareness, honesty and accountability.
It's kind of about being a hypocrite Jemele. You've been writing about the topic of race and racism for the last year-and-a-half. You've torn into every white person who's given you ANY reason. You've basically demanded the heads of Don Imus and Kelly Tilghman for similar (but not nearly as offensive) remarks on LIVE BROADCASTS.
The difference is that Don Imus and Kelly Tilghman don't get to take back the words they say. You're writing an article, which you presumably re-read and edit in some manner. You had numerous chances to adhere to that "standard" of yours. You failed at "respect" and "awareness" when you made the remarks. And this apology isn't doing much for "honesty" or "accountability."
In January, I wrote about Kelly Tilghman, the Golf Channel anchor who was suspended two weeks for joking on the air that young players should "lynch [Tiger Woods] in a back alley." I wrote, "... those who, like Woods, believed this is a 'non-issue' would understand that the word 'lynch' is off-limits to most blacks, just as joking about the Holocaust is off-limits to most Jews."
Okay, so you knew better than to make such a 'joke' and you did it anyway. This apology is making you look a lot more like someone who needs to be fired.
I got too comfortable with my own knowledge and history of dealing with racial issues.
You mean since that's all you write about? Race? So you're telling me that your ignorant remarks were bred by YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF THE SUBJECT?!
I dropped my guard. I got caught up in being cutesy and wrote something stupid.
Cutesy!? You think that's fucking cutesy!? The implication that Celtics fans favor seeing America nuked by the Russians is cutesy!? Jesus fucking Christ, I want you fired more now than when I read your stupid fucking comments.
Just because I'm a black woman doesn't mean I've got an automatic sensitivity chip for cultures outside of my own.
Yeah, it really just means that you're safe to write whatever you want about the topics of race and/or gender and nobody will call you on your bullshit for fear of being called racist. However, I'll take this statement to mean that you're admitting that you're completely unqualified for your job, and that you deserve to be fired.
In the Tilghman column, I wrote, "While I don't believe [Tilghman] is a racist, I certainly wouldn't classify what she said as a 'slip.' A cussword is a slip. This was a constructed, racial scenario that is a frightening reminder for some people in this country."
Maybe Tilghman got caught up in being cutesy! You know what is a constructed, racial scenario that is a frightening reminder for some people in this country? Holocaust Denial!!! Which is what you're doing when you suggest that Hitler was a victim. Which you did.
The moment I put "Hitler" and "victim" in the same sentence, I did the exact same thing. It doesn't matter that my intent was to use hyperbole to bolster the humor.
You were using hyperbole to bolster the humor? I thought you were being cutesy. Make up your fucking mind. And in order to bolster the humor, there must first be humor. The fact that you keep insisting that any part of this is humorous really only tells me that you're not sorry enough, and should be fired.
I once wrote about Don Imus that "speech is free, but consequences are not."
You also wrote that if "he needs to be fired to understand that this is unacceptable, then so be it." And here you are, with the assertion that you simply mis-worded a joke. You constructed a racial scenario that is a frightening reminder for some people in this country. Remember?
My consequence is losing some of my credibility, and for me, that's a stiff penalty.
That's a non-existent penalty. The fact that you're apparently going to keep your job is proof that you haven't been held accountable even slightly for your actions. The only punishment stiff enough for Imus was a swift firing, right? So if you were to hold yourself to that same standard, then you should quit your job. Shouldn't you Jemele? Wouldn't that be a show of your integrity?
I learned some good and some not-so-good things about people during the week of my suspension. I've learned who my friends are.
You have friends? When did this happen?
I've learned Boston Celtics fans sure do know how to make the most out of e-mail.
So you've learned to continue mocking Celtics fans, basically? Aren't they entitled to e-mail you after being compared to fucking Nazis?! I don't agree with Beantowners much, but they get a free pass when it comes to you. And it never expires.
When it comes to race, uncomfortable is best.
When it comes to race, maybe ESPN really doesn't need someone who's exclusive job is to write about it. Have we considered that option? That maybe if people didn't make their LIVING off of pointing out instances of racism... that maybe we wouldn't spend so much time thinking about race? And maybe if we didn't spend so much time thinking about race... there'd be less racism?
I'll tell you something that DOESN'T reduce racism. Paying people to climb onto a pedestal and point their finger while screaming, "RACIST! RACIST! RACIST!!" every time they disagree with someone's actions.
I'm not going to stop writing about race.
I'm not going to stop insisting that you need to be fired, because you've learned nothing. You've simply rationalized the situation... after telling me that you weren't going to insult my intelligence with rationalizations.
You've claimed ignorance, humor, knowledge, hyperbole and 'being cutesy' as excuses. None of these excuses holds any degree of water, and none of it makes this better.
Do yourself a favor and fall on your sword. The only reason ESPN hasn't fired you, is because they're scared you'll call them Racists.
My first (Hat)Post!
For those of you who've been to FJM, either by my rampant promotion of them, or just because you know your way around the net and found it yourself, you'll know this guy. His name is Mike Celizic, aka Hat Guy. I've been dying to write something of Hat Guy's up for months now, and I finally have the chance, so suffice to say, I'm a happy (Hat) guy! And better still... because Mr. Hat's article involves Jessica Simpson... the blue links will probably bring you to pictures of her, which is always nice. So here we go...
There should be great rejoicing in Dallas at the news that Tony Romo has told gal pal Jessica Simpson that it’s been a fun summer, but now it’s time for football.
Most people probably don't care, because most people probably aren't dumb enough to believe that it's her fault the Cowboys lost to the Giants. Then again, we are talking about Texans here... so maybe I'm wrong and Mr. Hat is right. Yeah, lets go with that. Lets blame the Cowboys loss on this.
Simpson probably isn’t used to hearing that there is something in the world more important than she is.
She doesn't strike me as self-obsessed, a little ditzy for sure, but not a complete self-absorbed bitch.
It’s not anything most women, let alone a famous actress and singer, want to hear from their men.
Ahh, makes more sense now. This is more along the lines of "misogynistic comment from a guy who hasn't been fucked since he served that stint in prison for stealing hats" than "an attack on Jessica Simpson because... well... she probably can't read and thus won't see it."
Quarterbacks, not even famous ones playing for the legendary Dallas Cowboys, don’t have time for romances with high-maintenance celebrities. Look at Tom Brady, the other swinging NFL bachelor quarterback.
*Head scratch* Umm... wha? Oh, okay I understand. The word "not" screws this entire sentence. Now I understand Mr. Professional Hat-Wielding Journalist. So how many NFL Quarterbacks have you spoken to? You know... to verify your poorly-stated findings? None? Ahh, okay. And yes, lets look at Tom Brady. The Tom Brady who was in NY playing with his super-model girlfriend the week before the Super Bowl... in which he played poorly...and in which his team lost. The difference? Pats fans blame their Offensive Line. And Matt Walsh.
His girlfriend is a famous model, Gisele “The Brady” Bundchen, but she doesn’t have an ego that needs constand feeding. (Misspelling is his)
Gisele "The Brady" Bundchen? Number one... that's not even slightly funny. And number two, Chris Berman is on the phone with his lawyers right now. He's made a 30+ career out of shitty nickname jokes and you can't just shit all over his trademark Mr. Celizic!! How would you like it if Chris Berman started wearing a hat?
They spend time together usually without anyone even being aware he’s in New York staying over.
Or maybe his fans are smart enough to understand that he doesn't have a bad game because he's distracted by his girlfriend. Whereas George Carlin once said that the best thing about the Death Penalty in Texas is... less Texans.
Guys like Peyton Manning and Bret Favre like to have everything in order. So they get married young, and they usually stay married. And they marry good, solid women who understand that they’re not just wives but also a support team.
There you have it. They figure it's best to get all that stupid family shit out of the way early so they can concentrate on football. In fact, most NFL Quarterbacks have arranged marriages. It works sort of like this:
Dan Marino: Hey coach...
High School Coach: Yes, young Dan Marino?
DM: I'm thinking that I need to get marriage out of the way before life gets messy.
HSC: Probably a good idea, young Dan!
DM: So here's what I want. I want you to find me a woman... but not just any woman. A good, solid woman!!
HSC: Good, check. Solid, check. Strong on plow too?
DM: Yeah, strong on plow. But you know... a woman who understands that she's a support team, and that football comes ahead of things like having children and loving each other.
HSC: So I'm looking for a good, solid woman who's strong on plow and doesn't mind that you don't love her or want to spend time with her. Got it. Shouldn't be too hard.
And the ones who don’t get married sort of dabble in romance, like Brady, but without letting the relationship get in the way of football.
Except for that time that he was limping around NY with Gisele the week before the Super Bowl, which his team lost. Or the time when he dumped his baby mama, and dragged all that baby mama drama around with him for several months.
Romo seemed a different case. His last girlfriend was another high-profile actress, Jennifer Anniston. Then it was Simpson, who came with her very involved – some would say meddling – father, Joe, and her sister and the whole Simpson clan.
1) Her name is spelled Jennifer Aniston, with only one N, got that Mike Spelizic?!
2) Tony Romo never dated her. His last high-profile actress was Carrie Underwood, not Jennifer Aniston. Did you fact-check any of this Hat Guy?
3) Joe Simpson's a little crazy. Ashlee Simpson's married with a kid (maybe) on the way. How much of a headache can she possibly be? Has anybody heard anything about anybody else in that family? Like ever?
Cowboy fans decided she was bad luck, which is a little harsh.
Then why are you writing this article Mr. Top Hat? And if the 2008 Cowboy's failings are the fault of Jessica Simpson and bad luck, then who are the blaming for 2007, when he couldn't take a fucking snap? Maybe Romo is just a choke artist.
And now they’re back together, except he’s concentrating on football first and if he’s got some spare moments, she’s welcome to come over and watch him study game film.
Tony, Jessica, do yourselves a favor and check outside your window. In the bushes, there must surely be a man in a hat. He's watching you. He knows what you do when you're alone... or maybe he's talking out his ass again, like when he misspelled Jennifer Aniston's name while insisting (wrongly) that she's dated Tony Romo.
There should be great rejoicing in Dallas at the news that Tony Romo has told gal pal Jessica Simpson that it’s been a fun summer, but now it’s time for football.
Most people probably don't care, because most people probably aren't dumb enough to believe that it's her fault the Cowboys lost to the Giants. Then again, we are talking about Texans here... so maybe I'm wrong and Mr. Hat is right. Yeah, lets go with that. Lets blame the Cowboys loss on this.
Simpson probably isn’t used to hearing that there is something in the world more important than she is.
She doesn't strike me as self-obsessed, a little ditzy for sure, but not a complete self-absorbed bitch.
It’s not anything most women, let alone a famous actress and singer, want to hear from their men.
Ahh, makes more sense now. This is more along the lines of "misogynistic comment from a guy who hasn't been fucked since he served that stint in prison for stealing hats" than "an attack on Jessica Simpson because... well... she probably can't read and thus won't see it."
Quarterbacks, not even famous ones playing for the legendary Dallas Cowboys, don’t have time for romances with high-maintenance celebrities. Look at Tom Brady, the other swinging NFL bachelor quarterback.
*Head scratch* Umm... wha? Oh, okay I understand. The word "not" screws this entire sentence. Now I understand Mr. Professional Hat-Wielding Journalist. So how many NFL Quarterbacks have you spoken to? You know... to verify your poorly-stated findings? None? Ahh, okay. And yes, lets look at Tom Brady. The Tom Brady who was in NY playing with his super-model girlfriend the week before the Super Bowl... in which he played poorly...and in which his team lost. The difference? Pats fans blame their Offensive Line. And Matt Walsh.
His girlfriend is a famous model, Gisele “The Brady” Bundchen, but she doesn’t have an ego that needs constand feeding. (Misspelling is his)
Gisele "The Brady" Bundchen? Number one... that's not even slightly funny. And number two, Chris Berman is on the phone with his lawyers right now. He's made a 30+ career out of shitty nickname jokes and you can't just shit all over his trademark Mr. Celizic!! How would you like it if Chris Berman started wearing a hat?
They spend time together usually without anyone even being aware he’s in New York staying over.
Or maybe his fans are smart enough to understand that he doesn't have a bad game because he's distracted by his girlfriend. Whereas George Carlin once said that the best thing about the Death Penalty in Texas is... less Texans.
Guys like Peyton Manning and Bret Favre like to have everything in order. So they get married young, and they usually stay married. And they marry good, solid women who understand that they’re not just wives but also a support team.
There you have it. They figure it's best to get all that stupid family shit out of the way early so they can concentrate on football. In fact, most NFL Quarterbacks have arranged marriages. It works sort of like this:
Dan Marino: Hey coach...
High School Coach: Yes, young Dan Marino?
DM: I'm thinking that I need to get marriage out of the way before life gets messy.
HSC: Probably a good idea, young Dan!
DM: So here's what I want. I want you to find me a woman... but not just any woman. A good, solid woman!!
HSC: Good, check. Solid, check. Strong on plow too?
DM: Yeah, strong on plow. But you know... a woman who understands that she's a support team, and that football comes ahead of things like having children and loving each other.
HSC: So I'm looking for a good, solid woman who's strong on plow and doesn't mind that you don't love her or want to spend time with her. Got it. Shouldn't be too hard.
And the ones who don’t get married sort of dabble in romance, like Brady, but without letting the relationship get in the way of football.
Except for that time that he was limping around NY with Gisele the week before the Super Bowl, which his team lost. Or the time when he dumped his baby mama, and dragged all that baby mama drama around with him for several months.
Romo seemed a different case. His last girlfriend was another high-profile actress, Jennifer Anniston. Then it was Simpson, who came with her very involved – some would say meddling – father, Joe, and her sister and the whole Simpson clan.
1) Her name is spelled Jennifer Aniston, with only one N, got that Mike Spelizic?!
2) Tony Romo never dated her. His last high-profile actress was Carrie Underwood, not Jennifer Aniston. Did you fact-check any of this Hat Guy?
3) Joe Simpson's a little crazy. Ashlee Simpson's married with a kid (maybe) on the way. How much of a headache can she possibly be? Has anybody heard anything about anybody else in that family? Like ever?
Cowboy fans decided she was bad luck, which is a little harsh.
Then why are you writing this article Mr. Top Hat? And if the 2008 Cowboy's failings are the fault of Jessica Simpson and bad luck, then who are the blaming for 2007, when he couldn't take a fucking snap? Maybe Romo is just a choke artist.
And now they’re back together, except he’s concentrating on football first and if he’s got some spare moments, she’s welcome to come over and watch him study game film.
Tony, Jessica, do yourselves a favor and check outside your window. In the bushes, there must surely be a man in a hat. He's watching you. He knows what you do when you're alone... or maybe he's talking out his ass again, like when he misspelled Jennifer Aniston's name while insisting (wrongly) that she's dated Tony Romo.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Curt Schilling... Hall of Famer?
Probably not, right? But if it's even remotely possible, Red Sox Nation Media Affiliate, ESPN will push the idea as early and as often as humanly possible.
If you ever doubted that ESPN is, as a whole, a card-carrying member of Red Sox Nation, all you need do is look at Page 2 of late, and read over the 7,402 articles (I didn't count, but I'm pretty sure it's 7,402, give or take a couple) sucking off the ref-slanted Celtics series victory over the Lakers.
It's been the same kind of interactive gangbang following Sox championships and Patriots championships, with Bill Simmons writing 17 entries a week to express nothing other than his arrogant fanboy drivel. Lately Jim Caple's getting into the mix. DJ Gallo and Patrick Hruby are crusading against those bastard "bandwagon Cubs" fans.
I wonder what Jemele Hill's up to... oh wait... she's still on suspension for likening Celtics fans to Nazi's. Which sorta makes me wonder if she's in trouble for the offensive nature of her statements... or because it was directed at Boston fans specifically.
But back to Schilling. We'll get to the numbers in a minute... Jayson Stark thinks Schill in the Hall is debatable. Rob Neyer thinks he's a lock.
And as for the Baseball Tonight crew?
Buster Olney: "you've got to look at his incredible post-season record! 11-2!!!"
Which means that we're inducting Curt Schilling based on 19 post-season starts. I guess that means there's a pretty good case for Orlando "El Duque" Hernandez too then, right? I mean, he's 9-3 with a 2.55 Post-Season ERA!! And he's won 3 rings! The same as Schilling!! Who cares if he's 210 wins short of the criteria that EVERY OTHER PITCHER has to conform to!?! LOOK AT THOSE POST-SEASON NUMBERS!!!
Orestes Destrade: If Schilling is a Hall of Famer, then so is Orel Hershiser!
Good point!! Great point!! Similar to my El Duque point... except that Destrade keeps going... as though to say that they BOTH belong in the Hall of Fame... and again, no... they do not.
Now for the numbers. Schilling is 216-146 for his career with 3116 strikeouts, a 3.46 ERA. Here are some guys with very similar numbers to these...
Kevin Brown: 211-144, 3.28 ERA
Bob Welch: 211-146, 3.47 ERA
Orel Hershiser: 204-150, 3.48 ERA
Mike Mussina: 260-149, 3.71 ERA
David Cone: 194-126, 3.46 ERA
Are these guys Hall of Famers by your estimation? Because if Schilling's in, the Mussina should be a lock, right?
Now take this into account: Before Schilling went to Boston, he was sitting at 163-117. He's gone 53-29 behind an team that's ranked 1 or 2 in pretty much every major statistical category for the entire time he's been there.
Shouldn't that be considered? Isn't that part of the reason that Mike Mussina's not a Hall of Famer? Because he's won 113 games behind the Yankees robust offense?
All in all, no. Curt Schilling is abso-fucking-lutley not a Hall of Famer. His numbers come up short in a few categories, and with exception to a period of 3 years between Arizona and his first year in Boston (which might well have been PED-Fueled), he's never been among the best in the game. Not to mention the fact that he's one of the biggest fucking blowhards to ever write a blog, and I somehow feel as though the entire blogosphere has been contaminated by it. So I'm a biased asshole too.
If you ever doubted that ESPN is, as a whole, a card-carrying member of Red Sox Nation, all you need do is look at Page 2 of late, and read over the 7,402 articles (I didn't count, but I'm pretty sure it's 7,402, give or take a couple) sucking off the ref-slanted Celtics series victory over the Lakers.
It's been the same kind of interactive gangbang following Sox championships and Patriots championships, with Bill Simmons writing 17 entries a week to express nothing other than his arrogant fanboy drivel. Lately Jim Caple's getting into the mix. DJ Gallo and Patrick Hruby are crusading against those bastard "bandwagon Cubs" fans.
I wonder what Jemele Hill's up to... oh wait... she's still on suspension for likening Celtics fans to Nazi's. Which sorta makes me wonder if she's in trouble for the offensive nature of her statements... or because it was directed at Boston fans specifically.
But back to Schilling. We'll get to the numbers in a minute... Jayson Stark thinks Schill in the Hall is debatable. Rob Neyer thinks he's a lock.
And as for the Baseball Tonight crew?
Buster Olney: "you've got to look at his incredible post-season record! 11-2!!!"
Which means that we're inducting Curt Schilling based on 19 post-season starts. I guess that means there's a pretty good case for Orlando "El Duque" Hernandez too then, right? I mean, he's 9-3 with a 2.55 Post-Season ERA!! And he's won 3 rings! The same as Schilling!! Who cares if he's 210 wins short of the criteria that EVERY OTHER PITCHER has to conform to!?! LOOK AT THOSE POST-SEASON NUMBERS!!!
Orestes Destrade: If Schilling is a Hall of Famer, then so is Orel Hershiser!
Good point!! Great point!! Similar to my El Duque point... except that Destrade keeps going... as though to say that they BOTH belong in the Hall of Fame... and again, no... they do not.
Now for the numbers. Schilling is 216-146 for his career with 3116 strikeouts, a 3.46 ERA. Here are some guys with very similar numbers to these...
Kevin Brown: 211-144, 3.28 ERA
Bob Welch: 211-146, 3.47 ERA
Orel Hershiser: 204-150, 3.48 ERA
Mike Mussina: 260-149, 3.71 ERA
David Cone: 194-126, 3.46 ERA
Are these guys Hall of Famers by your estimation? Because if Schilling's in, the Mussina should be a lock, right?
Now take this into account: Before Schilling went to Boston, he was sitting at 163-117. He's gone 53-29 behind an team that's ranked 1 or 2 in pretty much every major statistical category for the entire time he's been there.
Shouldn't that be considered? Isn't that part of the reason that Mike Mussina's not a Hall of Famer? Because he's won 113 games behind the Yankees robust offense?
All in all, no. Curt Schilling is abso-fucking-lutley not a Hall of Famer. His numbers come up short in a few categories, and with exception to a period of 3 years between Arizona and his first year in Boston (which might well have been PED-Fueled), he's never been among the best in the game. Not to mention the fact that he's one of the biggest fucking blowhards to ever write a blog, and I somehow feel as though the entire blogosphere has been contaminated by it. So I'm a biased asshole too.
Rest In Peace: George Carlin.
People listen to a guy like George Carlin, and they hear a comedian, because he presents the truth to you in a funny way. They call it dark satire. What those people don't realize is that in this day and age, there's no such thing as a 'philosopher' any more.
We have no Plato, no Descartes. No Thomas Hobbes or Friedrich Nietzsche. Aristotle is dead. Rousseau is long gone. Nobody has replaced them, and nobody is ever going to, because true sociology, true philosophy has the ability to open eyes, and to make a general populous realize injustice and the need to rise up against it.
Comedy merely entertains. Listen to this clip and tell me that he's wrong.
And what do we do? We laugh at what he says. We know it's true and that's what makes it funny. But it's also what makes it sad. We lost a great comedian in George Carlin, but we lost an even better Philosopher and Thinker. And these contributions shouldn't be overlooked just because the guy made you laugh at everything that's wrong with this world.
We have no Plato, no Descartes. No Thomas Hobbes or Friedrich Nietzsche. Aristotle is dead. Rousseau is long gone. Nobody has replaced them, and nobody is ever going to, because true sociology, true philosophy has the ability to open eyes, and to make a general populous realize injustice and the need to rise up against it.
Comedy merely entertains. Listen to this clip and tell me that he's wrong.
And what do we do? We laugh at what he says. We know it's true and that's what makes it funny. But it's also what makes it sad. We lost a great comedian in George Carlin, but we lost an even better Philosopher and Thinker. And these contributions shouldn't be overlooked just because the guy made you laugh at everything that's wrong with this world.
Contrary to Popular Belief!!!
In direct contradiction to every stereotype to ever exist about men...
Here is proof that guys find a girl with a brain sexy.
The fact of the matter is that the only people who specifically want to date retarded women, are retarded men. So yeah, if we're talking about dating trends among inbred, West Virginians... then IQ's probably not very high on the list.
However, if we're talking about big cities or even suburban life... having something to talk about is definitely high on the list. Not as high up the list as nice tits... but pretty high.
The point is this ladies. Now would be a good time to go get yourself a library card. Don't trade your gym membership for it... but having both might be a good idea.
Unless you wanna date this guy. And you're gonna have to fight Pam for him.
Here is proof that guys find a girl with a brain sexy.
The fact of the matter is that the only people who specifically want to date retarded women, are retarded men. So yeah, if we're talking about dating trends among inbred, West Virginians... then IQ's probably not very high on the list.
However, if we're talking about big cities or even suburban life... having something to talk about is definitely high on the list. Not as high up the list as nice tits... but pretty high.
The point is this ladies. Now would be a good time to go get yourself a library card. Don't trade your gym membership for it... but having both might be a good idea.
Unless you wanna date this guy. And you're gonna have to fight Pam for him.
Proof That People Will Never Get It...
In the Year of Darkness, 2029, the rulers of this planet devised the ultimate plan. They would reshape the Future by changing the Past. The plan required something that felt no pity. No pain. No fear. Something unstoppable. They created 'THE TERMINATOR.'
Okay, so maybe it's not that dire. Basically the assertion of that article, is that bloggers are suddenly, and collectively starting to "get it." We (and I generously include myself in this discussion) are suddenly realizing that we can no longer go off half-cocked, or quarter-cocked (but it's okay to go off cockless if you're a chick blogger) with whatever rumors or opinions that we might have.
We're maturing! We're growing and aging! We have hair on our still underdeveloped pubic regions now, and one day, if encouraged and guided by a father-figure like Jay Mariotti, we might one day stop masturbating furiously to midget porn and leave the safety of our mother's basements, and in doing so, we might gain a semblance of credibility!
Sites such as SportsbyBrooks, Kissing Suzy Kolber, With Leather and Mr. Irrelevant have touted themselves as edgy and independent, outsiders free to write what mainstream media will not.
Which is, of course, a good thing, right? Because additional coverage from different perspectives can only enlighten readers to the different interpretations of a situation, or entertain them with a more humor-driven approach to a serious topic. And anybody who's not interested, doesn't have to read. Who could take issue with that?
Critics have portrayed them differently: the rabid fan sitting at a computer in his parents' basement, in his pajamas, spewing opinion.
Who are these critics, because I think we've already established that they're full of shit. Why... I think they're professional sportswriters! I think it's the hacks who are taking salaries to sit in their pajamas and spew opinion!! Could they possibly feel threatened by the fact that now anybody can do their job, and in many cases, do their job better than they're capable of doing it?
Or to ask the same question in a more concise manner... is it possible that the people who are most critical of blogging are the people who's careers are most directly threatened by it?
"Bloggers are maturing and realizing that we're moving out of the childhood age of this industry, into an awkward adolescence," said Robert Niles, who chronicles new media on his SensibleTalk.com website. "For some bloggers, they can see adulthood on the horizon."
And then there's this asshole! Some douche bag who's pushing his own website by speculating about the motives of hundreds of other writers whom he's never met, and probably never read. It's not about childhood or adulthood. It's about what the blogger is trying to accomplish by writing a blog... and that varies for EVERY. SINGLE. BLOGGER.
There is no research being conducted regarding the maturation curve of members of the blogosphere. There are no studies being funded by UCLA's Department of Bullshit on the Internet. Nobody's being interviewed by the New York Times. Robert Niles of SensibleTalk.com is very sensibly talking out his ass about something he has no way of knowing.
"It's a question of how successful do we want to be and how much are we willing to adjust our approach?" said Mike Florio of ProFootballTalk, who began blogging in 2000. "We're gaining revenue, gaining credibility."
Says the owner of ONE BLOG. Mike Florio of ProFootballTalk.com decided that given the chance to gain credibility, and thus potentially increase his earning potential, that he would pass on the chance to talk about Terrell Owens in Bang Bros Porn. And for Mike Florio, that's probably the right decision.
If somebody came to me tomorrow and offered to pay me $100,000.00 a year to write this blog under their domain, under the condition that I promise to never use profanity again... well Shitfuckshitfuckbitchcocktitsmotherfuckballsdirtysanchez!!! I would most definitely take that deal!!
"We're trying to make money on this," said A.J. Daulerio, a senior writer for Deadspin. "Without going completely porn, the best way to do that is to add a more journalistic element."
Wow A.J. Daulerio from Deadspin!! You're trying to make money too?! That's why Mike Florio from ProFootballTalk added a more journalistic approach to his dealings!! So let me re-write the premise of this article. The new title is:
Wild Times for Sports Blogs That Want to Be Credible and Make Money May Be Nearing an End!
Because the bottom line is the writer's aims and goals. If you want to gain credibility and turn profit, then at some point, you need to sanitize your act. And in doing so, bloggers are also bringing to light the greatest fears of 'sports journalists'... because people are starting to turn to Deadspin instead of FoxSports or ESPN. Why? Because it's not the same old crusty bullshit and stale views from the last 20 years. It's new, it's exciting, and it's not totally made-up.
Okay, so maybe it's not that dire. Basically the assertion of that article, is that bloggers are suddenly, and collectively starting to "get it." We (and I generously include myself in this discussion) are suddenly realizing that we can no longer go off half-cocked, or quarter-cocked (but it's okay to go off cockless if you're a chick blogger) with whatever rumors or opinions that we might have.
We're maturing! We're growing and aging! We have hair on our still underdeveloped pubic regions now, and one day, if encouraged and guided by a father-figure like Jay Mariotti, we might one day stop masturbating furiously to midget porn and leave the safety of our mother's basements, and in doing so, we might gain a semblance of credibility!
Sites such as SportsbyBrooks, Kissing Suzy Kolber, With Leather and Mr. Irrelevant have touted themselves as edgy and independent, outsiders free to write what mainstream media will not.
Which is, of course, a good thing, right? Because additional coverage from different perspectives can only enlighten readers to the different interpretations of a situation, or entertain them with a more humor-driven approach to a serious topic. And anybody who's not interested, doesn't have to read. Who could take issue with that?
Critics have portrayed them differently: the rabid fan sitting at a computer in his parents' basement, in his pajamas, spewing opinion.
Who are these critics, because I think we've already established that they're full of shit. Why... I think they're professional sportswriters! I think it's the hacks who are taking salaries to sit in their pajamas and spew opinion!! Could they possibly feel threatened by the fact that now anybody can do their job, and in many cases, do their job better than they're capable of doing it?
Or to ask the same question in a more concise manner... is it possible that the people who are most critical of blogging are the people who's careers are most directly threatened by it?
"Bloggers are maturing and realizing that we're moving out of the childhood age of this industry, into an awkward adolescence," said Robert Niles, who chronicles new media on his SensibleTalk.com website. "For some bloggers, they can see adulthood on the horizon."
And then there's this asshole! Some douche bag who's pushing his own website by speculating about the motives of hundreds of other writers whom he's never met, and probably never read. It's not about childhood or adulthood. It's about what the blogger is trying to accomplish by writing a blog... and that varies for EVERY. SINGLE. BLOGGER.
There is no research being conducted regarding the maturation curve of members of the blogosphere. There are no studies being funded by UCLA's Department of Bullshit on the Internet. Nobody's being interviewed by the New York Times. Robert Niles of SensibleTalk.com is very sensibly talking out his ass about something he has no way of knowing.
"It's a question of how successful do we want to be and how much are we willing to adjust our approach?" said Mike Florio of ProFootballTalk, who began blogging in 2000. "We're gaining revenue, gaining credibility."
Says the owner of ONE BLOG. Mike Florio of ProFootballTalk.com decided that given the chance to gain credibility, and thus potentially increase his earning potential, that he would pass on the chance to talk about Terrell Owens in Bang Bros Porn. And for Mike Florio, that's probably the right decision.
If somebody came to me tomorrow and offered to pay me $100,000.00 a year to write this blog under their domain, under the condition that I promise to never use profanity again... well Shitfuckshitfuckbitchcocktitsmotherfuckballsdirtysanchez!!! I would most definitely take that deal!!
"We're trying to make money on this," said A.J. Daulerio, a senior writer for Deadspin. "Without going completely porn, the best way to do that is to add a more journalistic element."
Wow A.J. Daulerio from Deadspin!! You're trying to make money too?! That's why Mike Florio from ProFootballTalk added a more journalistic approach to his dealings!! So let me re-write the premise of this article. The new title is:
Wild Times for Sports Blogs That Want to Be Credible and Make Money May Be Nearing an End!
Because the bottom line is the writer's aims and goals. If you want to gain credibility and turn profit, then at some point, you need to sanitize your act. And in doing so, bloggers are also bringing to light the greatest fears of 'sports journalists'... because people are starting to turn to Deadspin instead of FoxSports or ESPN. Why? Because it's not the same old crusty bullshit and stale views from the last 20 years. It's new, it's exciting, and it's not totally made-up.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Best Paid Benchwarmers?
I love comments. And I love e-mails (primeoffense@yahoo.com). And this is your chance to do one or the other.
Forbes released a list of the Best Paid Benchwarmers in Sports. I'm gonna focus mainly on the baseball end of this... because I think they missed a lot of guys who belonged on this list. Here's what they came up with:
1) Dave Roberts ($6.5M)
2) Jacque Jones ($6.3M)
3) Jay Payton ($5M)
4) D-meat-hook Young ($5M)
5) Frank Catalanotto ($4M)
Well how about the following guys? How do they miss this cut?
Carl Pavano is making $11M this year to not pitch for the Yankees.
Brandon Inge is on the books for $6.2M and it is his job to watch Miguel Cabrera hack it up at third base.
Coco Crisp makes $5M as a 4th outfielder without a bat.
Gary Matthews, Jr. is Anaheim's Coco Crisp... only for $9.4M this year.
Juan Pierre's making $8M this year. And Nomar Garciaparra is making $9.5M. Do I need to say more?
Who am I forgetting here? There's got to be a lot more of these guys... I thought it was a joke that Frank Catalanotto made a top 5... because his salary is only slightly above the major league average... I knew there had to be worse guys out there. There are probably more.
So please, give me your opinions on this. I want to know who you think is stealing money from your team. Lets make an Interactive Gangbang out of this topic!!!!!
Forbes released a list of the Best Paid Benchwarmers in Sports. I'm gonna focus mainly on the baseball end of this... because I think they missed a lot of guys who belonged on this list. Here's what they came up with:
1) Dave Roberts ($6.5M)
2) Jacque Jones ($6.3M)
3) Jay Payton ($5M)
4) D-meat-hook Young ($5M)
5) Frank Catalanotto ($4M)
Well how about the following guys? How do they miss this cut?
Carl Pavano is making $11M this year to not pitch for the Yankees.
Brandon Inge is on the books for $6.2M and it is his job to watch Miguel Cabrera hack it up at third base.
Coco Crisp makes $5M as a 4th outfielder without a bat.
Gary Matthews, Jr. is Anaheim's Coco Crisp... only for $9.4M this year.
Juan Pierre's making $8M this year. And Nomar Garciaparra is making $9.5M. Do I need to say more?
Who am I forgetting here? There's got to be a lot more of these guys... I thought it was a joke that Frank Catalanotto made a top 5... because his salary is only slightly above the major league average... I knew there had to be worse guys out there. There are probably more.
So please, give me your opinions on this. I want to know who you think is stealing money from your team. Lets make an Interactive Gangbang out of this topic!!!!!
Girls Gone Wild! You're Doing It Wrong!!!
Check this out guys...
It had to be a chick from New York, didn't it? Smoking on a plane, bitchslapping flight attendants and spewing racial slurs like a Lohan on Crystal Meth!
They're saying she had 2 beers in the airport and 3 'vodka drinks' on the plane. So five drinks. If this bitch got that nuts on five drinks, I'm DYING to see what she'd do during a full night at a crazy, fucked up bar.
If you're Christina Szele, or you know her, or whatever, point her in this direction. Christina, I'm hereby inviting you out to Coyote Ugly's for a night of drunken antics. The night will be entirely on me, but I'll give you fair warning that anything that happens will be written about the next day.
And before anybody gets their brain broken over it, NO, I'm not looking to get lucky with a drunk chick. That's not how I roll (plus I'm happily taken). I just kinda want to see some train-wreck chick getting fucked up and starting the Royal Rumble on top of the bar.
It had to be a chick from New York, didn't it? Smoking on a plane, bitchslapping flight attendants and spewing racial slurs like a Lohan on Crystal Meth!
They're saying she had 2 beers in the airport and 3 'vodka drinks' on the plane. So five drinks. If this bitch got that nuts on five drinks, I'm DYING to see what she'd do during a full night at a crazy, fucked up bar.
If you're Christina Szele, or you know her, or whatever, point her in this direction. Christina, I'm hereby inviting you out to Coyote Ugly's for a night of drunken antics. The night will be entirely on me, but I'll give you fair warning that anything that happens will be written about the next day.
And before anybody gets their brain broken over it, NO, I'm not looking to get lucky with a drunk chick. That's not how I roll (plus I'm happily taken). I just kinda want to see some train-wreck chick getting fucked up and starting the Royal Rumble on top of the bar.
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