Proof That People Will Never Get It...

In the Year of Darkness, 2029, the rulers of this planet devised the ultimate plan. They would reshape the Future by changing the Past. The plan required something that felt no pity. No pain. No fear. Something unstoppable. They created 'THE TERMINATOR.'

Okay, so maybe it's not that dire. Basically the assertion of that article, is that bloggers are suddenly, and collectively starting to "get it." We (and I generously include myself in this discussion) are suddenly realizing that we can no longer go off half-cocked, or quarter-cocked (but it's okay to go off cockless if you're a chick blogger) with whatever rumors or opinions that we might have.

We're maturing! We're growing and aging! We have hair on our still underdeveloped pubic regions now, and one day, if encouraged and guided by a father-figure like Jay Mariotti, we might one day stop masturbating furiously to midget porn and leave the safety of our mother's basements, and in doing so, we might gain a semblance of credibility!

Sites such as SportsbyBrooks, Kissing Suzy Kolber, With Leather and Mr. Irrelevant have touted themselves as edgy and independent, outsiders free to write what mainstream media will not.

Which is, of course, a good thing, right? Because additional coverage from different perspectives can only enlighten readers to the different interpretations of a situation, or entertain them with a more humor-driven approach to a serious topic. And anybody who's not interested, doesn't have to read. Who could take issue with that?

Critics have portrayed them differently: the rabid fan sitting at a computer in his parents' basement, in his pajamas, spewing opinion.

Who are these critics, because I think we've already established that they're full of shit. Why... I think they're professional sportswriters! I think it's the hacks who are taking salaries to sit in their pajamas and spew opinion!! Could they possibly feel threatened by the fact that now anybody can do their job, and in many cases, do their job better than they're capable of doing it?

Or to ask the same question in a more concise manner... is it possible that the people who are most critical of blogging are the people who's careers are most directly threatened by it?

"Bloggers are maturing and realizing that we're moving out of the childhood age of this industry, into an awkward adolescence," said Robert Niles, who chronicles new media on his SensibleTalk.com website. "For some bloggers, they can see adulthood on the horizon."

And then there's this asshole! Some douche bag who's pushing his own website by speculating about the motives of hundreds of other writers whom he's never met, and probably never read. It's not about childhood or adulthood. It's about what the blogger is trying to accomplish by writing a blog... and that varies for EVERY. SINGLE. BLOGGER.

There is no research being conducted regarding the maturation curve of members of the blogosphere. There are no studies being funded by UCLA's Department of Bullshit on the Internet. Nobody's being interviewed by the New York Times. Robert Niles of SensibleTalk.com is very sensibly talking out his ass about something he has no way of knowing.

"It's a question of how successful do we want to be and how much are we willing to adjust our approach?" said Mike Florio of ProFootballTalk, who began blogging in 2000. "We're gaining revenue, gaining credibility."

Says the owner of ONE BLOG. Mike Florio of ProFootballTalk.com decided that given the chance to gain credibility, and thus potentially increase his earning potential, that he would pass on the chance to talk about Terrell Owens in Bang Bros Porn. And for Mike Florio, that's probably the right decision.

If somebody came to me tomorrow and offered to pay me $100,000.00 a year to write this blog under their domain, under the condition that I promise to never use profanity again... well Shitfuckshitfuckbitchcocktitsmotherfuckballsdirtysanchez!!! I would most definitely take that deal!!

"We're trying to make money on this," said A.J. Daulerio, a senior writer for Deadspin. "Without going completely porn, the best way to do that is to add a more journalistic element."

Wow A.J. Daulerio from Deadspin!! You're trying to make money too?! That's why Mike Florio from ProFootballTalk added a more journalistic approach to his dealings!! So let me re-write the premise of this article. The new title is:

Wild Times for Sports Blogs That Want to Be Credible and Make Money May Be Nearing an End!

Because the bottom line is the writer's aims and goals. If you want to gain credibility and turn profit, then at some point, you need to sanitize your act. And in doing so, bloggers are also bringing to light the greatest fears of 'sports journalists'... because people are starting to turn to Deadspin instead of FoxSports or ESPN. Why? Because it's not the same old crusty bullshit and stale views from the last 20 years. It's new, it's exciting, and it's not totally made-up.

Interactive Gangbangs and The First Amendment!

Right off the bat, you're better off reading the coverage of what I'm gonna talk about at FireJoeMorgan.com. They're funnier and more professional and shit than I am. So click that link, read that, laugh and come back...

Junior at FJM basically nailed this one on the head. I really only have one thing to add.

“The younger generation likes the snarky tone,” says Bissinger. “They like the gossip, they like the juice. I don’t think they really appreciate good writing and reporting, and those, to me, are precious arts. . . . It’s all some interactive gangbang.”

Interactive gangbang! Hey Buzz, I don't know if you've ever BEEN to an actual gangbang, but let me tell you, it's a pretty interactive process. I was at this one gangbang with Darryl Strawberry, Steve Howe and the cast of 'Friends' this one time in 1995. Darryl brough the cocaine and autographed Wally Backman baseballs for all of us. It was a great night and lemme tell you, there's a REASON that Jennifer Aniston's a star and it's related to the reason that the first half of her name is so similar to the word anus.

He's my summation on this topic.

There are people who are good at everything. And there are people who are bad at everything.
There are good blogs, like FJM and Deadspin. And there's this blog right here.
While FJM is the David Halberstam of snarky blogging, I'm probably closer to the Mike Lupica.
That doesn't make blogging bad or wrong or evil.

Buzz Bissinger's logic is akin to getting rid of the sport of baseball because Michael Jordan was a shitty player and saying, "Come on! He's fucking AMAZING at Basketball! THE ENTIRE SPORT OF BASEBALL IS CLEARLY THE FUCKING PROBLEM!!! BASEBALL IS FULL OF SHIT!!!"

You'd Do It Too... Hell, I Would...

Check this shit out!!

Yup, that's a billboard for Will Smith's new movie, Hancock.

The workers decided to hang the letters from right to left. And then take a cigarette break after (for lack of a better choice of words) hanging the word that rhymes with... well... COCK!! And what's even funnier are the red letters above it... 'VUE.' So basically... it says "View Cock!"

Come on, you thought I was going to write an entire post without any kind of profanity? Who do you take me for? Bill Plaschke?! We can't all get bye on poetic sentence fragments, but just for shits and giggles, I'll take a stab at it...

There they hung.
The letters.
Silver majesty.
The K.
It was a capital K.
Bigger than the 'coc'.
Double.
The size.
It spelled.
A word.
A four-letter word.
One that's synonymous with 'rooster'.
And Bill Plaschke drooled.
Wanting to eat one.
Not a rooster.
A cock.
Like a big penis.
Because he's gay.
Buzz Bissinger.

Because what kind of blogger would I be if I didn't say his name?