Thursday, January 22, 2009

A Post About Football Instead of Food!

No more Angry Whopper Jokes. Just this Whopper of a dumb article. Everybody say thank you to Gary Myers of the NY Daily News. Lets get to work on his "Ten Ways to Fix the Jets."

1. Fish for Tuna

Parcells? Why? So he can tap out their salary cap room, age their roster dramatically, quit before his contract ends and steal millions from their owner? Like he's done at every other job he's ever had? Yeah, great idea. Do that immediately.

2. Fond Farewell to Favre
3. Find a Game Manager

Ryan was on the 2000 Ravens staff that won the Super Bowl with Trent Dilfer and just went to the AFC title game with rookie Joe Flacco. He needs the Jets to run the ball, play defense and for the QB not to give it to the other team.

The 2000 Baltimore Ravens defense sucked with Trent Dilfer. They won the Super Bowl with one of the best defensive seasons in league history. This year, again, amazing defense, awful offense. It's why they lost to Pittsburgh.

So let me get this straight, you want him to make it a priority to have a bad offense!? Get a "game manager"? So on DAY FUCKING ONE... we're admitting that the Jets will NOT be a dynamic offensive football team. They're going to play field position, and rely completely on their defense to win games. That's your idea?

I've got a better idea. How about if the team builds a strong defense, but also tries to build a dynamic offense at the same time. That's seemed to work for teams in the past. The Jets need a playmaking wide receiver. You can't entirely blame Brett Farve for the season he had. He's got NOBODY to throw the ball to.

Here are the Jets top two receivers:

Laveranues Coles - 70 catches, 850 yards.
Jerricho Cotchery - 71 catches, 858 yards.

A couple of guys who average 4 catches and around 50 yards a game. Why? Because they don't get open and get in position to make plays. Give Favre a Terrell Owens or a Larry Fitzgerald and watch how fast he looks like a 29-year old quarterback again.

4. Reed All About It
Kerry Rhodes has Pro Bowl ability, but Mangini never put him in spots where he could be a playmaker. Ryan has told friends he wants to turn Rhodes into "No. 20," which means Ravens All-Pro safety Ed Reed.

Kerry Rhodes is a top-10 strong safety in the NFL. Ed Reed, however, is hands-down, the best strong safety in the NFL. The only way you're turning Kerry Rhodes into Ed Reed... is if you include a first-round draft pick and beg the Ravens to trade one for the other.

9. Personality Transplant
The Jets were fighting their own history as much as the other team as they started to lose their grip on the playoffs. Ryan must change the Same Old Jets culture.

Yeah, that Jets Losing Culture was absolutely fucking killing them after they beat the then-undefeated Titans, and were sitting at 8-3. If beating an undefeated team to get to 8-3 during the season doesn't break your "losing culture" then maybe you ought to just fucking quit. The team didn't fall apart because of the culture. They fell apart because their coach was a fucking idiot, their quarterback was throwing with a torn bicep, their wideouts were a joke and their running game was overrated.

So to summarize, we're going to make the Jets great by giving Bill Parcells some more money, signing a shitty quarterback to not put points on the board, telling the strong safety to get cornrows and change his number, and calling in a voodoo shaman to quash the bad ju-ju.

Sounds like a great plan Gary Myers.

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