The Reason For Anonymity

Everything you read here basically amounts to the bored attempts at humor of a pretty regular guy working a dull day-job. I try to be sarcastic and witty and tongue-in-cheek. And sometimes I'm successful with that.

I make fun of everyone and everything that catches my fancy, and I hope that if the people involved actually see what I've said about them, they'll keep their sense of humor about it and not stalk me down and kick my ass. And the real fact of the matter is, sometimes (probably more than sometimes) I'm a complete jerk-off and I go too far.

A couple of weeks ago, I pulled posts out of the Daily News' "Voice of the People" section and tore into a couple of complete strangers for no real reason. I jumped to numerous conclusions without any knowledge of these peoples' sides of the story.

So here is a short list correcting/restating some facts from the last post:

1) Sal Sessa isn't some punk 20-year old trying to score chicks. He's a grown man, and judging by the mail he wrote me, an educated, intelligent one at that.
2) He's talking about women in coffee shops and social settings. Places where a guy SHOULD be able to talk to the people around him.
3) New York City is probably the hardest place in the world to meet people, because everybody's in a big rush, and is scared and guarded and afraid of strangers.
4) Sal didn't even seem pissed about this, which probably means that he's got a pretty good sense of humor (and that he's not going to come and kick my ass.)

For the record ladies: On the train/bus or while you're walking in the streets, the iPod's a great guy-repellent. But for crying out fucking loud... if you're in Starbucks, take them the fuck off. You HAVE to give a guy SOME opportunity to say hi. It's really only fair.

Otherwise, why don't you just tattoo the words, "I AM A DYKE" on your forehead, and then we'll know to leave you alone. Sorry Sal.

The Count is No Balls and Two Dykes

I'm sure I'm getting to this late. I blame that on all of you because nobody tipped me off about it, I had to find it on my own. And for the record, I'm totally taking advantage of every chance to link chicks kissing.

Apparently a couple of chicks were going at it during a Mariner game and it upset some people. God, where do I go with this for a cheap laugh? I'll just make a list:

1) Isn't this the most exciting thing that's happened at a Mariner game all season?
2) If I pay for plane tickets, will these girls come watch Yankees games instead?
3) Can Adrian Beltre get some love from these girls? He's got no balls, which practically makes him a lesbian.

Some people claimed that these girls were groping each other and whatnot, to which they state that they were "eating garlic fries and giving each other brief kisses."

Have you ever tried to get someone to come within 17 feet of your mouth while eating garlic fries? This is obviously true love, which brings me to my exciting conclusion.

If lesbians want to go to baseball games, more power to them.
If they want to kiss at baseball games, again, more power to them.
If they want to get completely naked at baseball games and give each other Brazilian waxes behind home plate, then I'm probably going to start watching a lot more baseball.

I know, I know. You're saying, "Well, what about me? I'm a parent!! What am I supposed to tell my kids when they see two women scissoring in the on-base circle?!" Well here's what you tell your kids.

"Don't tell your mother."

And just because I can...