Just for shits and giggles...

Nobody's reading this any more... but lets go through that last post I made before I became a dad and totally lost interest in writing blog posts to nobody.

1) Yeah, the Jets really needed Parcells. Fuck me, I was so wrong.

2) Good thing they got rid of that fucking washed up has-been Farve, right? Not like he had an AMAZING season in Minnesota or something, right?

3) Mark Sanchez was SOME GAME MANAGER in the playoffs, huh? Boy oh boy, good thing they gave the offense to Trent Dilfer!

4) Kerry Rhodes morphed into such an Ed Reed clone... that they're pondering trading him in an uncapped year!

9) That losing culture really fucked the Jets! Fucked them all the way to the AFC title game!

So in summation, this Gary Myers article was fucking stupid when he wrote it. And a month and change after the football season ended, it's even more fucking stupid. Thanks for not reading.

A Post About Football Instead of Food!

No more Angry Whopper Jokes. Just this Whopper of a dumb article. Everybody say thank you to Gary Myers of the NY Daily News. Lets get to work on his "Ten Ways to Fix the Jets."

1. Fish for Tuna

Parcells? Why? So he can tap out their salary cap room, age their roster dramatically, quit before his contract ends and steal millions from their owner? Like he's done at every other job he's ever had? Yeah, great idea. Do that immediately.

2. Fond Farewell to Favre
3. Find a Game Manager

Ryan was on the 2000 Ravens staff that won the Super Bowl with Trent Dilfer and just went to the AFC title game with rookie Joe Flacco. He needs the Jets to run the ball, play defense and for the QB not to give it to the other team.

The 2000 Baltimore Ravens defense sucked with Trent Dilfer. They won the Super Bowl with one of the best defensive seasons in league history. This year, again, amazing defense, awful offense. It's why they lost to Pittsburgh.

So let me get this straight, you want him to make it a priority to have a bad offense!? Get a "game manager"? So on DAY FUCKING ONE... we're admitting that the Jets will NOT be a dynamic offensive football team. They're going to play field position, and rely completely on their defense to win games. That's your idea?

I've got a better idea. How about if the team builds a strong defense, but also tries to build a dynamic offense at the same time. That's seemed to work for teams in the past. The Jets need a playmaking wide receiver. You can't entirely blame Brett Farve for the season he had. He's got NOBODY to throw the ball to.

Here are the Jets top two receivers:

Laveranues Coles - 70 catches, 850 yards.
Jerricho Cotchery - 71 catches, 858 yards.

A couple of guys who average 4 catches and around 50 yards a game. Why? Because they don't get open and get in position to make plays. Give Favre a Terrell Owens or a Larry Fitzgerald and watch how fast he looks like a 29-year old quarterback again.

4. Reed All About It
Kerry Rhodes has Pro Bowl ability, but Mangini never put him in spots where he could be a playmaker. Ryan has told friends he wants to turn Rhodes into "No. 20," which means Ravens All-Pro safety Ed Reed.

Kerry Rhodes is a top-10 strong safety in the NFL. Ed Reed, however, is hands-down, the best strong safety in the NFL. The only way you're turning Kerry Rhodes into Ed Reed... is if you include a first-round draft pick and beg the Ravens to trade one for the other.

9. Personality Transplant
The Jets were fighting their own history as much as the other team as they started to lose their grip on the playoffs. Ryan must change the Same Old Jets culture.

Yeah, that Jets Losing Culture was absolutely fucking killing them after they beat the then-undefeated Titans, and were sitting at 8-3. If beating an undefeated team to get to 8-3 during the season doesn't break your "losing culture" then maybe you ought to just fucking quit. The team didn't fall apart because of the culture. They fell apart because their coach was a fucking idiot, their quarterback was throwing with a torn bicep, their wideouts were a joke and their running game was overrated.

So to summarize, we're going to make the Jets great by giving Bill Parcells some more money, signing a shitty quarterback to not put points on the board, telling the strong safety to get cornrows and change his number, and calling in a voodoo shaman to quash the bad ju-ju.

Sounds like a great plan Gary Myers.

Beating a Dead Burger

Yup, I'm gonna make fun of the Angry Whopper some more, because it amuses me. And I think it amuses you too. I've actually been working on a new ad campaign for the Angry Whopper, something to really get your attention when they show those stupid commercials 7,000 times during the Cards-Eagles game this weekend. So here's my list of things the Angry Whopper can promise to people who choose to eat it:

The Angry Whopper is going to take a dump in your left sneaker.
It's going to deflower your daughter and never call her.
If you're married, your spouse will consent to anal intercourse with the Angry Whopper. Even if they're not gay, and/or totally don't like it up the butt.
If you're single, the Angry Whopper just banged the girl of your dreams.
The Angry Whopper is so manly, it's going to make you crap out a fucking Panda bear, and then you're going to choke that fucking Panda bear to death even though it's an endangered species because the Angry Whopper has stolen your ability to give a fuck!
If you're Barack Obama, you won't get any change with your Angry Whopper.
If you're George W. Bush, the Angry Whopper is going to call a bunch of it's Angry Whopper friends and invite them over to circle jerk all over your last brain cell.
If you're a fucking Panda bear, you shouldn't even be reading this shit, so go fuck yourself Panda bear. Oh yeah, the Angry Whopper just ran over your fucking Panda children in it's Escalade.
Yes, a hamburger drives a fucking Escalade. And it doesn't care about gas mileage.
The Angry Whopper roundhouse kicked Chuck Norris to death.
If the Angry Whopper does not cause you to shit blood, you can punch this guy without having legal action taken against you.
The Angry Whopper doesn't consider sex kinky enough until it's violated your dog.
Despite what you may believe, the Angry Whopper is directly responsible for the assassinations of Presidents Lincoln & Kennedy, John Lennon, Dimebag Darrell, Selena, Harvey Milk, Malcolm X, Jesse James, William McKinley, and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (Happy MLK Day Everybody!)

Slightly Annoyed Whopper?

So yeah, I got all excited about this Angry Whopper thing that Burger King's pushing on TV. I love me some spicy food, and the commercial is all like,

"THIS BURGER IS GOING TO FUCK YOUR MOTHER WITH PISSED OFF SPICY ONIONY GOODNESS!"

I ate the burger. It was pretty good. Not spicy enough to live up to the claims. And frankly, a burger with jalapenos, hot sauce, spiced onions and pepper jack cheese shouldn't have a problem being spicy enough. Just figured I'd let you guys know about this.

It's part of my 2009 goal to make this blog into a one-stop shop for all things useless. Well, I wouldn't call it a goal. I think I'm already succeeding on that one without trying.

A Giant Playoff Collapse?

Gotta glance over this topic for a few lines. Hopefully this won't draw out into a long-winded post.

The media coverage today is centered on whether the New York Giants would have fared better with Plaxico Burress in the game against the Eagles on Sunday.

The answer is, very obviously, yes, they would have, simply because he commands double-coverage from the defense whenever he's on the field. Do the Giants win that game with him? Maybe, I guess... but probably not.

The burden of this loss should fall squarely on the Head Coach and the Offensive Coordinator as far as I'm concerned. And how do I intend to prove this? With a couple of simple stats, and a bit of common knowledge.

The word is that the wind conditions were rough at the Meadowlands on Sunday, and Eli Manning ALWAYS struggles in the wind. That's probably why the Giants were so good away from East Rutherford last season. And it's also probably why the best quarterback in Giants history, Phil Simms, only completed 55% of his passes for his career. The wind in North Jersey is a bitch. There's no denying that. And having a 6'5" receiver with the wingspan of a pterodactyl has to help a little.

But here's the bigger question... with the wind gusting, and Burress not out there drawing doubles, why did the Giants keep throwing the ball?

Brandon Jacobs ran the ball 19 times for 92 yards. He averaged 4.8 yards per carry. Derek Ward chewed up 46 yards on 12 carries for a 3.8 average. They were able to move the ball on the ground, especially with Jacobs.

Once you see Eli struggle in the first quarter, why doesn't the coach put the ball in Brandon Jacobs hands on every play? The Giants offensive line obviously loves to run-block, and they're great at it. And Jacobs goes 6'4" and over 260 lbs.

You let that guy slam himself into the defense... over... and over... and over again until the Philadelphia Eagles feel violated the way Ashley Dupre must have felt shortly before cashing one of Eliot Spitzer's checks.

You force the Philadelphia Eagles to stick 8 or 9 guys in the box to stop the run. And once they commit to that, you send in some play actions passes, and even Tom Coughlin could have suited up at wide receiver and snuck down the sideline for long completions.

Instead, the Giants ran 30 passing plays against 31 runs, maintaining a perfect offensive balance between the effective rushing game... and the completely ineffective passing game.

They did nothing to force the Eagles to adjust to them, instead allowing them to control the game, and ultimately the final score really doesn't show how one-sided things really were.

So yeah, now I guess the only thing to do is pull for the Arizona Cardinals. Why? Because Philadelphia just had the Phillies win something. Pittsburgh got one a couple of years ago. And I'd just feel like a schmuck cheering on the Cleveland Browns to win a Super Bowl for Baltimore. Plus it's Baltimore. I dunno. I don't like Baltimore. I've been there, it seems like a nice enough place. But I don't like it. So yeah, no Super Bowl for Baltimore.

Anyway, if teams that I like can't win a championship, I guess I'd rather see the wealth get spread around a bit. If the Cardinals actually have fans, they probably deserve a parade.

And for the record, if anybody can, in fact, confirm the existance of Arizona Cardinal fans, I'd love to hear about it.

The Hall of Home-Field Advantage!!!

I probably don't need to tell you all that I'm upset that Jim Rice is getting into the Hall of Fame. You probably already know that. The fact that he's ever been considered a serious candidate makes me laugh, then bang my head against my keyboard, then laugh some more.

Having seen that he got 76.4% of the ballot today, I threw up a little bit in my mouth. So thanks for that. But why do I hate Rice so much? Do I remember his pricky attitude? Nope. Am I bias against Boston players? Not particularly. I hate them, but that's never stopped me from being objective about their value. Kevin Youkilis was awesome this year and should have won the MVP, and Dustin Pedroia is the new Derek Jeter. See?

So what's my problem with Rice, then? Simple. Look at these stats.

At Fenway: .320/.374/.546 (OPS+ 116, ), 208 HR, 207 2B
Everywhere else: .277/.330/.459 (OPS+ 85), 174 HR, 166 2B.

The man's batting average falls by 43 points away from Fenway, which reflects almost exactly in his OBP, then comes the bombshell. Almost a 100 point drop-off in slugging percentage.

At Fenway, Jim Rice was a beast. In every other ballpark in baseball, he was David fucking Dellucci!!!

On top of that, he ranks 6th in GIDPs, which is the highest he ranks in ANY OFFENSIVE STATISTIC for his career.

For his career, as an outfielder/DH, he finished up with 382 homers and 373 doubles, and a career OPS+ of 128 (which is skewered, because as you saw, his Fenway OPS+ as it relates to how well EVERYBODY hits there, is only 116).

Compare that to say... Andre Dawson, who hit 438 homers and 503 doubles, but gets held out because of his .279/.323/.482, and the fact that he played foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Point is, Dawson is borderline. Rice is borderline. You can't let borderline guys like this into the hall... because they're the criteria that we judge other players by.

If a guy has considerably better numbers than Rice, he probably deserves to go in. Now... Rice is in... so technically speaking, a guy with the same exact numbers, in an offensive haven should get in. Dawson should go. Hell, while we're at it, why don't we let Don Mattingly in there!!!

Sure, he really only had 6 good years, and finished with only 222 homers, but come onnnnn!! He's Donnie Baseball!! And he actually hit like 70 more doubles than Jim Rice, and bounced into like 500 less double plays!! And his OPS+ of 127 is only a point worse than Rice's 128! Cut the guy some slack! He declined sharply and retired at 34!!

Just to clarify, I'm not seriously suggesting that Don Mattingly be allowed into the Hall of Fame without a ticket. I'm just explaining the damage that bullshit like this does. This is the kind of typical, obvious Boston-bias that's turning people against the game of baseball. It's ESPN-driven hype at it's finest. And if not, then it's proof that the election system is seriously flawed and some real criteria needs to be added by which players are judged.

Because most of these voters are plainly retarded.

Case in point. The guy who doesn't think Rickey Henderson is a Hall of Famer.

In case it needs stating, here's Henderson's Hall resume:

.279/.401/.419 (OPS+ 127), 297 HR, 510 2B, 3055 H, 1406 SB, 1406 RBI and 2190 BB

Jesus fucking Christ... even Rickey's close to Rice's home run total.

So Sue Me!?

This is the kind of story that makes me think that women and sports just don't go together quite as well as we'd all hoped they would.

Yup, Kaitlin Dauner is suing her school, Indian Hills, for an injury she sustained while playing for their girls basketball team.

The team played an informal scrimmage against the boys, and poor Kaitlin suffered a separated shoulder when the game became "excessively physical." She blames this on the school's failure to provide "adequate supervision, referees or athletic trainers" for the scrimmage.

So what she's saying is that every time you get banged up playing a little bit of street ball, you should file a suit against your buddies for pain and suffering. Because that's what this amounts to.

When you think about it, you've got women competing in mixed martial arts, college and professional basketball, softball, football, hockey, boxing and just about anything else that men are willing to strap on a helmet or a jockstrap to play.

And while the obvious knock against women's sports is the lack of skill and athleticism featured by men (largely due to the fact that, at least in our era, women don't get the same level of training, and most times, don't start playing as young as the guys), the toughness of the female athlete has never been called into question quite this way before.

The irony is, that quite often, women have proven able to show the sort of sportsmanship (sportswomanship?) and reason that's often missing in the men's game. Like in this story, where Sara Tucholsky homered, then tore ligaments in her knee... and was carried around the bases by her opponents, Mallory Holtzman and Liz Wallace.

Could you ever, in a million years, imagine Roger Clemens coming off the mound, and with the help of Derek Jeter... carrying David Eckstein around the bases after a home run? And now that you've tried to imagine it, isn't it sorta funny? I'm getting off the topic.

Think about the story above. What if Sara Tucholsky would have sued, blaming the injury on the "excessively physical" nature of the sport she chose to play?

My guess is that nobody put a gun to Kaitlin Dauner's head and made her play against the boys. She chose to, because as any female athlete will probably tell you, women LOVE getting a chance to show that they can hold their own against the guys.

In closing, Kaitlin, you should drop the suit... and try to show that you're at least TRYING to be as tough as these girls. They don't look very tough there. How about here? Still not tough enough. What about now? Or this one? Yeah,. that's more like it.

Can you tell that I'm enjoying having a reason to link pictures to the Lingerie Bowl? I won't apologize for that. It's why you all love me.

The Proudest Moment of the Bush Administration

Right here. Yes, I realize this happened days ago. I find it hysterical and amazing all at once.



Look at the deft skill with which Bush dodged that first shoe. I haven't seen moves like that since Neo started to believe towards the end of the first Matrix movie. All this video needs is Rip Torn, in the wheelchair screaming, "If you can dodge an Iraqi Journalist's left shoe.... you can dodge a ball!"

Seriously though... G. Dubz looks like he's been practicing that move. You need to be quick like that when you expect to be dodging bullets.

Baseballs Off-Season: What We Know So Far and What it Means

1) Ryan Dumpster went back to the Cubs. Which probably means very little, because he's not going to win 17 games with an ERA+ of 151 again next year. I'm still stunned that he did it once.

2) C.C. Sabathia is being chased by everybody. The Yankees, Brewers, Angels, Giants, maybe the Red Sox and Mets. Which still means that he's probably going to end up a Yankee. From what I understand, the Yankees philosophy regarding Sabathia is that 6 years, $140 Million was their starting point. If Sabathia wants more, all he's got to do is ask for it.

It's very hard to imagine Sabathia, in this day and age, choosing to take $30-$40 Million dollars less to play in San Francisco. In fact, it's very hard to imagine anybody, in the history of ever, anywhere, actually WANTING to take $30 to $40 Million dollars less than they're being offered to do something, because that's a ton of money. That's Dustin Pedroia's entire new contract. Think about your salary. Then think about taking a 30 or 40% paycut... and tell me what you think of that. So yeah. He'll be a Yankee.

3) Dustin Pedroia got a new contract. Which, again, means very little. It means that he can stuff his boots with hundred dollar bills, and prop himself up a little bit. Like Tom Cruise does. And when he's done, maybe he'll stand a full five feet tall. I still think his Rookie of the Year and MVP awards are incredible fucking travesties. But whatever. He'll be in Boston for a long time.

4) People really think Derek Lowe's a good pitcher. How did this happen? Seriously? How? Did Derek Lowe hijack a fucking satellite-mounted laser beam and threaten to vaporize every kitten in America if anybody talks about the fact, that he's a slightly above average pitcher in a terrible division, and is on the wrong side of 35 years of age? What is causing people to have a Titsworth over Derek Lowe?

5) The Yankees didn't offer arbitration to Bobby Abreu or Andy Pettitte. Everybody is claiming that this is because of the poor economy and financial crunch. They're saying that the Yankees don't want to pay $16 Million each for these guys in arbitration. These people are about 33% correct.

The Yankees don't want Bobby Abreu or Andy Pettitte on their team next year. At all. Abreu's looking for 3 years, $45 Million on the free agent market. He's not going to get it. I doubt anybody's going to go beyond 2 years, with a club option 3rd for Abreu. And I'd guess the annual value will top out around $12 Million. So if your best offer is 2 years, $24 Million, what do you do? You take arbitration from the Yankees and make $16 Million for one more year. And then the Yankees are stuck with Abreu, in addition to Nady, Matsui, Damon and Swisher. There's no room for Brett Gardner or Melky Cabrera. Or Manny Ramirez. Or Adam Dunn.

And as for Pettitte, is he really worth $16 Million? He'd take arbitration in a heartbeat if it was offered. Would you rather spend that money on Andy Pettitte, or Ben Sheets? How about A.J. Burnett? Mark Teixeira? Manny Ramirez? Adam Dunn? Or Andy Pettitte? They don't want him back. They offered him a 1 year, $10 Million, take-it-or-leave-it contract. Does that sound like somebody the Yankees want?

5) Adam Dunn wasn't offered arbitration by the Arizona Diamondbacks. Which was a pretty stupid decision. Why? 40 homers and 100+ RBI every year. That's why. Despite the low batting average, Dunn gets on base and hits for a ton of power. The Yankees would love to grab him, but might have jumped at Nick Swisher a little too fast. Boston also might take a hard look, especially since they don't have to surrender draft picks. The Mets would be completely retarded not to try and sign this guy. The bottom line is... somebody is going to sign him. For a bunch of years, and a bunch of dollars. The D'Backs should have gotten some draft picks for it.

And on a completely unrelated note... why didn't anybody tell me about Tim Tebow's girlfriend? She gets a tag. In fact, she gets two tags. One for her. And one for her giant breasts. Actually, two for her giant breasts... because without them, she wouldn't be getting a tag. I'm just repeating the phrase "giant breasts" so I have an excuse to link more pictures. You're welcome.

Mike Mussina? Hall of Fame?

John Harper of the NY Daily News says no. Because of stats? Because he missed 300 wins? Nope! Because Mussina didn't have enough "moments." Whatever that means.

His overall numbers stack up well against some notable Hall of Famers, including Ferguson Jenkins, Juan Marichal, Catfish Hunter and even Bob Gibson. Actually, he has a better winning percentage (.638) than any of them, and indeed at 270-153, he would have the best percentage of any player not in the Hall.

Here's the case for Mussina. 537 starts. 270 wins, with only 153 losses. Baseballreference.com lists his "162-Game Averages" as 34 starts, 17-9, 226 innings pitched, 49 BB against 178 strikeouts, a 3.68 ERA (ERA+ 123), and a 1.192 WHIP. Over 18 years as a professional pitcher, those are very, very good numbers. And 270 wins, for a guy who never made more than 36 starts in a season, is a very impressive number.

Fergie Jenkins made 57 more starts (594) and won 14 more games (284). He also lost 71 more games, most likely because of less use and specialization in the bullpens when he pitched. He threw 267 complete games in his career. Moose threw only 57, however, that's not really Mussina's fault. The game is different.

Jenkins also didn't spend the better portion of his career pitching to guys who were injecting fucking horse steroids into their asses. And to boot, Jenkins' career ERA+? 115. Which means, Mussina, over his career, has been better in comparison to his peers, than Jenkins was to his.

Marichal won only 243 games, and his 123 ERA+ is the same as Mussina's. Yeah, he went 26-9 in 1968. He also went 6-16 in 1972. Maybe it had something to do with throwing 3 300+ inning seasons.

Catfish Hunter finished 224-166 with a 104 ERA+. Looking at his numbers right now is making me wonder who he blew to get into the Hall of Fame. Suffice to say, I'm not impressed.

And Bob Gibson, to me, is one of the 5 best pitchers in baseball history. Mussina doesn't even get to be in the room for that conversation, so I'm not going to compare him to Gibson.

So why isn't Mussina a Hall guy, John Harper?

You look at Mussina's career and it's hard to find the wow factor that usually defines the very best players of an era.

Wow factor? Hang on, let me check Baseball Prospectus. They usually have stats for those crazy acronyms. WOW? Is that a new acronym? What does it stand for?

Wait a second... there's no such stat as "WOW." What are you talking about John Harper? Oh. Fuck.

You're saying that he can't be a Hall of Famer, because, despite having statistical credibility and value over an 18 year career, he never impressed you enough? He never trotted out of the dugout in a cut up leather jacket with a crazy haircut, with WILD THING playing on the PA system? He never threw 14 shutout innings in game 7 of the World Series? He never appeared in a porno with guys named Lexington Steele and Mandingo and slapped around a 19 year old blonde with his "freakishly large certain part of the male anatomy?"

This is your hall of fame criteria?

He didn't win a Cy Young Award, finished second once, and had a few other fourths and fifths.

Because Cliff Lee won 24 games this year? And Roy Halladay threw 700 innings? I'm not sure, but I think it was 700.

And in 1999, he finished second behind Pedro Martinez, who had an ERA+ of 243!!

Point is... his lack of a Cy Young isn't because he was never a great pitcher. It's just that he was never the greatest pitcher in a league with Randy Johnson, Roger Clemens and Pedro Martinez gobbling up most of them.

And what the fuck were the voters thinking in 1992? They gave the Cy Young to Dennis Eckersley? For throwing 80 innings? Followed by Blackjack McDowell and Roger Clemens... then followed by Mussina, who went 18-5 that year, with a 2.54 ERA? The case for Clemens that year was strong too... but McDowell and Eck had no business being considered... and they got most of the votes.

He didn't win a championship, and though Mussina pitched well in some big postseason games, he never had a brilliant postseason that demanded attention in the manner of John Smoltz, Jack Morris, Curt Schilling, or even Josh Beckett or Cole Hamels.

He didn't win a championship. By himself. Nope, he went 7-8 in the post-season... with a 3.42 ERA and he struck out 145 in 139 innings.

In 1997, with Baltimore, he was 2-0 with a 1.93 ERA in the Divisional Round, carrying Baltimore over Seattle. Then, in 2 starts against Cleveland, he allowed 1 run and 4 hits, in 15 innings. Not brilliant? Or maybe you just don't remember that...

Never mind Gibson, who won 251 games in his career, or 19 fewer than Mussina, but had two Cy Youngs, one MVP, and won World Series for the Cardinals in 1964 and '67 practically singlehandedly.

So you're saying that a pitcher has to be as good as Bob Gibson to make it into the Hall of Fame? Then we ought to throw about just about every pitcher who's already there... and forget about adding new guys. Maybe Pedro. Koufax. A handful of others at best. This is a moronic argument. Bob Gibson was the Shaquille O'Neal of baseball back then.

He was so nasty, that they lowered the mound height so batters wouldn't shit down their legs when he threw his slider. Gibson was a fucking buzzsaw.

In addition, while winning 20 games this season at 39 was quite a feat, Mussina never had one or more of those incandescent seasons that stamp pitchers as bound for Cooperstown.

Umm... 18-5 with a 2.54 ERA in 1992. 16-5 with a 3.05 ERA in 24 starts in 1994 (apparently, the strike was his fault too.) 19-9 with a 3.29 ERA in 1995. 15-8 with a 3.20 ERA in 1997 (with minimal run support at best.) 17-11 in his first year in New York, in 2001... and if you remember, despite playing for the Yankees, he received about the worst run support in baseball that year.

However, Marichal set himself apart as a superstar with an eight-year run in which he posted seasons of 18-11, 25-8, 21-8, 22-13, 25-6, 14-10, 26-9, and 21-11. That pretty much defines dominance.

His starts in those years? 36, 40, 33, 37, 36, 26, 38, 37.

Give Mussina an extra 4 or 5 starts in 1992, 1995, 1996, 1999 and 2002... and he probably gives you 5 20 win seasons.

You can make the case that Mussina was more consistent over his 18 years than Tom Glavine, but Glavine has two Cy Young awards, five 20-win seasons and a world championship, in addition to 305 wins, all of which make him practically automatic.

You can make the case that Glavine made 145 more starts than Mike Mussina, and won only 35 more games. And that if Mussina hung around and pitched until his 50th birthday like Glavine, he'd probably have 330 wins or so. And that it was probably a little easier for Glavine, since he spent his career following Greg Maddux and John Smoltz in the rotation. He was a glorified fucking 3 starter who walked 1500 guys in his career. And avoided the American League like the clap.

For me the argument for Mussina in the Hall falls just short, subject to review in five years as we gain more and more perspective on the steroids era. If only he'd had a few more moments that were as remarkable as his decision to retire as a 20-game winner.

A few more moments? You mean like the time in 2001 when he came within 1 strike of a perfect game... in Boston... before Carl Everett broke it up? And the only reason they sent Everett to the plate... was because he crowded the plate, and they hoped Mussina would HIT HIM WITH THE BALL?

Or in 1995, when Mussina was on the mound and got the win in Cal Ripkin's 2,131st consecutive game played?

Or out of the bullpen in the 2003 ALCS to shut down the Red Sox?

Or in 2006, when he became the first pitcher in AL History to win 10 or more games in 15 consecutive seasons?

How about in 1998 when he retired 23 straight, before Frank Catalanotto's double in the 8th?

1997 again Cleveland, when he was perfect for 25 outs before Sandy Alomar, Jr. got to him for a single?

How about the 7 gold gloves? You like awards. They mean shit to me... but you like them.

This guy belongs in the hall. John Harper, you belong in a different hall for this terrible article.