Baseballs Off-Season: What We Know So Far and What it Means

1) Ryan Dumpster went back to the Cubs. Which probably means very little, because he's not going to win 17 games with an ERA+ of 151 again next year. I'm still stunned that he did it once.

2) C.C. Sabathia is being chased by everybody. The Yankees, Brewers, Angels, Giants, maybe the Red Sox and Mets. Which still means that he's probably going to end up a Yankee. From what I understand, the Yankees philosophy regarding Sabathia is that 6 years, $140 Million was their starting point. If Sabathia wants more, all he's got to do is ask for it.

It's very hard to imagine Sabathia, in this day and age, choosing to take $30-$40 Million dollars less to play in San Francisco. In fact, it's very hard to imagine anybody, in the history of ever, anywhere, actually WANTING to take $30 to $40 Million dollars less than they're being offered to do something, because that's a ton of money. That's Dustin Pedroia's entire new contract. Think about your salary. Then think about taking a 30 or 40% paycut... and tell me what you think of that. So yeah. He'll be a Yankee.

3) Dustin Pedroia got a new contract. Which, again, means very little. It means that he can stuff his boots with hundred dollar bills, and prop himself up a little bit. Like Tom Cruise does. And when he's done, maybe he'll stand a full five feet tall. I still think his Rookie of the Year and MVP awards are incredible fucking travesties. But whatever. He'll be in Boston for a long time.

4) People really think Derek Lowe's a good pitcher. How did this happen? Seriously? How? Did Derek Lowe hijack a fucking satellite-mounted laser beam and threaten to vaporize every kitten in America if anybody talks about the fact, that he's a slightly above average pitcher in a terrible division, and is on the wrong side of 35 years of age? What is causing people to have a Titsworth over Derek Lowe?

5) The Yankees didn't offer arbitration to Bobby Abreu or Andy Pettitte. Everybody is claiming that this is because of the poor economy and financial crunch. They're saying that the Yankees don't want to pay $16 Million each for these guys in arbitration. These people are about 33% correct.

The Yankees don't want Bobby Abreu or Andy Pettitte on their team next year. At all. Abreu's looking for 3 years, $45 Million on the free agent market. He's not going to get it. I doubt anybody's going to go beyond 2 years, with a club option 3rd for Abreu. And I'd guess the annual value will top out around $12 Million. So if your best offer is 2 years, $24 Million, what do you do? You take arbitration from the Yankees and make $16 Million for one more year. And then the Yankees are stuck with Abreu, in addition to Nady, Matsui, Damon and Swisher. There's no room for Brett Gardner or Melky Cabrera. Or Manny Ramirez. Or Adam Dunn.

And as for Pettitte, is he really worth $16 Million? He'd take arbitration in a heartbeat if it was offered. Would you rather spend that money on Andy Pettitte, or Ben Sheets? How about A.J. Burnett? Mark Teixeira? Manny Ramirez? Adam Dunn? Or Andy Pettitte? They don't want him back. They offered him a 1 year, $10 Million, take-it-or-leave-it contract. Does that sound like somebody the Yankees want?

5) Adam Dunn wasn't offered arbitration by the Arizona Diamondbacks. Which was a pretty stupid decision. Why? 40 homers and 100+ RBI every year. That's why. Despite the low batting average, Dunn gets on base and hits for a ton of power. The Yankees would love to grab him, but might have jumped at Nick Swisher a little too fast. Boston also might take a hard look, especially since they don't have to surrender draft picks. The Mets would be completely retarded not to try and sign this guy. The bottom line is... somebody is going to sign him. For a bunch of years, and a bunch of dollars. The D'Backs should have gotten some draft picks for it.

And on a completely unrelated note... why didn't anybody tell me about Tim Tebow's girlfriend? She gets a tag. In fact, she gets two tags. One for her. And one for her giant breasts. Actually, two for her giant breasts... because without them, she wouldn't be getting a tag. I'm just repeating the phrase "giant breasts" so I have an excuse to link more pictures. You're welcome.

Jon Heyman's Debut!!!

Yes, ladies and germs!! I'm covering my first Jon Heyman article ever! How has it taken so long? I can't honestly tell you. I probably should have drank from this well as quickly as possible. And right off the bat, we have our first piece of contradicting logic.

CC Sabathia was a great deal for the Brewers, and a big deal, as well. And Rich Harden looks like a pretty good response from the rival Cubs

Sabathia was a nice grab... until you consider how much the Brewers gave up for 3 months of a pitcher they're never going to be able to re-sign. And I hate the Rich Harden deal. Not because of what the Cubs gave up, but because it's Harden. The guy owns a fucking CONDO on the DL. You really want to add one of the most injury-prone pitchers in all of baseball... to a team with a fragile ego, in a city that thinks it's cursed?

(although one scout said he's noticed Harden's velocity dipping from 93-97 to 89-91 his last two outings, raising concern about whether he's unsound again).

Jon Heyman just said he liked the deal. And less than a sentence later, he points out the fact that Harden's probably hurt again. So what you're saying, Jon, is that it would be good for the Cubs to acquire damaged goods in trade?

Sabathia and Ben Sheets give the Brewers a formidable top of the rotation, and at seemingly little cost, too.

The Brewers gave up Matt LaPorta in this deal. He was their #1 draft pick last year. And in his first 112 minor league games, he's hit 32 homers and batted .294/.395/.616 (OPS 1.011). Could you imagine a lineup with Prince Fielder, Ryan Braun and this guy each hitting 40 homers a year for the next 10 years? Well don't bother... because the Brewers gave him away for 3 months of CC Sabathia. That's not a "seemingly little cost." That's a massive fucking cost Jon Heyman!

Only a day later, Harden -- one of the best pitchers in baseball when healthy -- was paired with Carlos Zambrano to match Milwaukee's tandem.

Only a day later, the Cubs got someone who'll pitch in Chicago for less time than Sabathia will pitch in Milwaukee. Harden makes Mark Prior look like Cal Ripken, Jr.

If the Rockies do decide to do some Holliday shopping -- and the chances are still better than not that they keep him -- some logical landing spots would include the Angels, followed possibly by the Mets and Yankees,

The Angels want another outfielder? You mean Vlad Guerrero, Torii Hunter, Gary Matthews, Garret Anderson, Juan Rivera and Reggie Willits aren't enough? Yeah, they sound like they'd be BIG TIME players for ANOTHER outfielder. Wayyy bigger than the Mets (with Church and Alou hurt) or the Yankees (with Damon and Matsui down).