Baseballs Off-Season: What We Know So Far and What it Means

1) Ryan Dumpster went back to the Cubs. Which probably means very little, because he's not going to win 17 games with an ERA+ of 151 again next year. I'm still stunned that he did it once.

2) C.C. Sabathia is being chased by everybody. The Yankees, Brewers, Angels, Giants, maybe the Red Sox and Mets. Which still means that he's probably going to end up a Yankee. From what I understand, the Yankees philosophy regarding Sabathia is that 6 years, $140 Million was their starting point. If Sabathia wants more, all he's got to do is ask for it.

It's very hard to imagine Sabathia, in this day and age, choosing to take $30-$40 Million dollars less to play in San Francisco. In fact, it's very hard to imagine anybody, in the history of ever, anywhere, actually WANTING to take $30 to $40 Million dollars less than they're being offered to do something, because that's a ton of money. That's Dustin Pedroia's entire new contract. Think about your salary. Then think about taking a 30 or 40% paycut... and tell me what you think of that. So yeah. He'll be a Yankee.

3) Dustin Pedroia got a new contract. Which, again, means very little. It means that he can stuff his boots with hundred dollar bills, and prop himself up a little bit. Like Tom Cruise does. And when he's done, maybe he'll stand a full five feet tall. I still think his Rookie of the Year and MVP awards are incredible fucking travesties. But whatever. He'll be in Boston for a long time.

4) People really think Derek Lowe's a good pitcher. How did this happen? Seriously? How? Did Derek Lowe hijack a fucking satellite-mounted laser beam and threaten to vaporize every kitten in America if anybody talks about the fact, that he's a slightly above average pitcher in a terrible division, and is on the wrong side of 35 years of age? What is causing people to have a Titsworth over Derek Lowe?

5) The Yankees didn't offer arbitration to Bobby Abreu or Andy Pettitte. Everybody is claiming that this is because of the poor economy and financial crunch. They're saying that the Yankees don't want to pay $16 Million each for these guys in arbitration. These people are about 33% correct.

The Yankees don't want Bobby Abreu or Andy Pettitte on their team next year. At all. Abreu's looking for 3 years, $45 Million on the free agent market. He's not going to get it. I doubt anybody's going to go beyond 2 years, with a club option 3rd for Abreu. And I'd guess the annual value will top out around $12 Million. So if your best offer is 2 years, $24 Million, what do you do? You take arbitration from the Yankees and make $16 Million for one more year. And then the Yankees are stuck with Abreu, in addition to Nady, Matsui, Damon and Swisher. There's no room for Brett Gardner or Melky Cabrera. Or Manny Ramirez. Or Adam Dunn.

And as for Pettitte, is he really worth $16 Million? He'd take arbitration in a heartbeat if it was offered. Would you rather spend that money on Andy Pettitte, or Ben Sheets? How about A.J. Burnett? Mark Teixeira? Manny Ramirez? Adam Dunn? Or Andy Pettitte? They don't want him back. They offered him a 1 year, $10 Million, take-it-or-leave-it contract. Does that sound like somebody the Yankees want?

5) Adam Dunn wasn't offered arbitration by the Arizona Diamondbacks. Which was a pretty stupid decision. Why? 40 homers and 100+ RBI every year. That's why. Despite the low batting average, Dunn gets on base and hits for a ton of power. The Yankees would love to grab him, but might have jumped at Nick Swisher a little too fast. Boston also might take a hard look, especially since they don't have to surrender draft picks. The Mets would be completely retarded not to try and sign this guy. The bottom line is... somebody is going to sign him. For a bunch of years, and a bunch of dollars. The D'Backs should have gotten some draft picks for it.

And on a completely unrelated note... why didn't anybody tell me about Tim Tebow's girlfriend? She gets a tag. In fact, she gets two tags. One for her. And one for her giant breasts. Actually, two for her giant breasts... because without them, she wouldn't be getting a tag. I'm just repeating the phrase "giant breasts" so I have an excuse to link more pictures. You're welcome.

Dustin Pedroia is Officially the New Derek Jeter!

Vastly overrated singles hitter, who, despite not being the best player on his own team, receives consideration for numerous awards and is constantly felitated by members of the media.

Who am I talking about? Which one of them? Pedroia or Jeter? You can't tell, can you.

Jeter, in any given season, was far behind Alex Rodriguez, Tino Martinez, Bernie Williams, Paul O'Neill, Mariano Rivera and numerous other Yankees in terms of value. And yet, when they're winning, he's the reason according to every major media article that's written. His grit, calm eyes and hustle are always the key components. Oh, and intangibles.

Pedroia wins an MVP with a sub-.900 OPS, 17 homers and 85 RBI. Given the way the season unfolded, a case could easily be made that Kevin Youkilis, Daisuke Matsuzaka and Jon Lester were more valuable to the Red Sox... and that's without even mentioning Papelbon.

Youkilis hit 29 homers and drove in 115. He batted .312, had a much higher OPS and hit .374 with runners in scoring position. Pedroia with RSIP? .307 with 5 homers in 200 plate appearances.

David Ortiz played a little over half a season and had more homers and RBI, in what was, by far, his worst season in Boston. Hell, Jason Bay hit 9 homers in a little over a month and a half in Boston.

And Lester won 16 with a 3.21 ERA and threw 210 innings. Honestly, without him, this years incarnation of the Red Sox would have been sitting firmly in 3rd place as the Yankees took the Wild Card.

And Matsuzaka went 18-3 with a 2.90 ERA in 29 starts. Sure, he only threw 170 innings, but he was freakishly good despite missing some time.

Yeah, it was a weak crop this year. Josh Hamilton's season totals look good... I mean .302 with 32 homers and 130 RBI... but he fell apart after the all-star break. Quentin got hurt, which pretty much derailed his chances.

But Jesus Christ... Joe Mauer was more deserving here. The guy hit .328/.413/.451, walked 30 times more than Pedroia, played great defense, drove in the same number of runs... and he's a CATCHER!

Tampa gets 27 homers and 85 RBI from Evan Longoria in 122 games! He transforms them from a middle-of-the-pack team to the AL East Champs... and he doesn't get some consideration? What better demonstration of value is there than seeing how average the team was without him... and how far they went with him?

Justin Morneau jacks 23 and drives in 129 with a .300/.374/.499 line and 47 doubles.

A-Rod misses a month and still hits 35 homers and has 100+ RBI.

Just for the record... when you can name 10 guys who probably deserved an award more than the guy who got it... the guy who got it probably didn't deserve it.