Manny the Bastard! More Amazing Spin!!

Yup, right here. Bob Lobel of OT Boston (who?) thinks that Manny should be banned from the game for his "re-enactment of the 1919 Black Sox Scandal."

So yes, basically more sour grapes coming out of Boston. And yes, that makes this post blog-on-blog crime. And I'm not sorry.

Remember the eight players from the 1919 Black Sox who threw the World Series for money? Perhaps one of the original Black Sox came back as Manny. "Shoeless Joe," back as "Clueless Manny." Black Sox outfielder Oscar Felsch, known as "Happy," back as "Dopey."

No, I don't remember the eight players from the 1919 Black Sox. How old are you?

And secondly, who paid Manny to throw games? You want to ban the guy from baseball for "not hustling"? Okay... then I guess we should strip the Red Sox of the 2004 and 2007 World Series titles... since one of the keys to them winning those series, was a player who cheated and violated the rules and all this and that, and should be banned, right? No? You don't want to give back those titles? Then shut the fuck up.

Shoeless Joe as Clueless Manny? Nah. More like apples to oranges. Nobody paid Manny to do this. It wasn't organized by the mob. And moreso, the Sox didn't have to trade him. Despite all the press, they could have kept him, continued to endure his antics... and come post-season time, with another title in sight, he'd have done exactly what he did in Los Angeles.... for Boston.

It was dissatisfaction with $15,000 back in 1919 and displeasure with $20 million to $40 million in 2008.

It was dissatisfaction with $15,000... and the fact that the fucking mob was involved. Supplying money. Paying these guys a lot of money to throw the games, so they could turn a profit.

Manny's "displeasure with $20 to $40 million in 2008" isn't why he did this. He was being disrespected by that organization in every way. For years. He's watched "Boston Heroes" like Pedro Martinez, Keith Foulke, Derek Lowe, Mark Bellhorn, Bill Mueller, Nomar Garciaparra, Johnny Damon, Trot Nixon, Kevin Millar and Bronson Arroyo get lowballed, cut and traded over the last few years, in favor of whatever "newer better model" Theo wanted to build upon.

He knew he was going to get a shittty lowball offer, or hung out to dry in some other unceremonious way, and he was going to be left to pick up the pieces in the off-season, so he did what people do in professional sports. He looked out for #1.

The word out of Boston for the last 3 or 4 years, has been that Manny's not happy. Manny wants to be traded. Manny hates playing in Boston. And yet, year after year, Manny put up numbers, made that team competitive, and knocked the cover off the ball in the post-season.

Now he's gone, and Boston's on their way out the door. So cry me a fucking river.

Their strategy: Play less -- for more pay. And, 89 years later, the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Manny's strategy wasn't "Play less -- for more pay." His strategy was "get the fuck out of Boston, and go somewhere where they appreciate me, and then play more!"

Lets make this clear. Manny's probably going to get some sucker to shell out 7 years, at $20 Million per, because of what he did in August and September in Los Angeles. Manny could have stayed in Boston, batted .400 with 20 homers and 50 RBI for the last 50 games, batted .550 in the playoffs... and gotten the same money.

He didn't NEED a trade to boost his value by going batshit insane for 2 months. He wanted out of Boston, because the organization didn't appreciate him, and didn't treat him with respect.

Fast-forward to a new super Hall of Fame ballot before the Baseball Writers of America. (By the way, and it's not only my observation, I believe the electors would have trouble passing over the famous Hall of Fame character clause.) Here is the super ballot of villains before us today:
Pete Rose
Barry Bonds
Roger Clemens
Manny Ramirez

So... let me get this straight.
Pete Rose bet on baseball games... but that's cool.
And Barry Bonds broke US Law, by taking an illegal substance. And then broke US Law by lying about it. And broke US Laws by not paying his taxes. And that's cool too.
And Roger Clemens did all the stuff that Barry Bonds did. Plus he lied to Congress about it. And none off these are problems...

But Manny Ramirez... didn't hustle. And orchestrated his way out of Boston. And it hurt the Boston Red Sox. And that's the guy you want to go after? Do you even pretend to have a neutral, non-homer opinion?

By your logic, Carlos Delgado should also be thrown out of the game for what he did in New York this year.

He played like complete shit under Willie Randolph. He didn't hit, he didn't hustle, he did nothing. And as soon as Randolph got fired... Delgado caught fire! That means that he didn't hustle for Randolph, and therefore, he should be banned for life.

Do you know how many other examples of this I can give you?

In 2004, Adrian Beltre hit 48 homers and batted .334/.388/.629 for the Dodgers, with 121 RBI and 32 doubles.

The Seattle Mariners rewarded him with a big, fat contract. And since then, he's never hit close to .300, and his home run totals are 19, 25, 26 and 25.

So basically, Adrian Beltre played really hard during his walk-year... in order to get a big fat contract... and then he never hustled again. Should we also ban him? And everybody else who has a career-year during a contract year... then reverts to being shitty?

Where do we draw the line? Wait... let me answer that.

We only punish guys who screw over the Boston Red Sox... right Bob?

This entire article is a bad analogy, so that tag's been added. Thanks to Jane for the tip.

Joe Torre!! JOE TORRE!! Give Me a Fucking Break!

Can everybody please stop fellatiating Joe Torre, for chrissake?! It's seriously starting to piss me off. In the last two weeks, I've read more glowing reviews of his work in Los Angeles than I read in 5 years in New York, when he got his hands on 4 rings with the Yankees.

The Dodgers aren't winning because of Joe Torre. They're winning in spite of him. Lets run down a list of factors in this.

1) Manny Ramirez played 53 games in Los Angeles. He batted .396/.489/.743 with 17 homers and 53 RBI in that time. He was worth a run a fucking game!!! Pre-Manny, the Dodgers were a .500 team. With Manny, they were STILL only 6 games over .500... which brings us to #2.

2) They play in the NL West. This is, by far, the worst division in baseball. Everybody sucks. Look at how many games the San Francisco Giants won this year. Now name 3 good baseball players on that roster. I dare you. You can't do it! That division is awful. The Baltimore Orioles could have won that division. The Kansas City Royals could have won that division. The Toronto Blue Jays would have won 100+ games if they played half their games in that division.

3) Look at the at bats that Andruw Jones, Nomar Garciaparra and Juan Pierre took this year. And consider that you could have gotten better production from a kid at Triple A... because Joe Torre notoriously sucks up to veterans at the cost of younger, more talented players.

Facts being facts, if the Dodgers were in any other division in baseball they wouldn't be in the playoffs. In fact, the AL West is the only division where they'd even rank as high as second!!

Here's the Dodger's placement, based on their record, by division.

AL East - 5th Place, 13 games back of 1st Place, Tampa Bay.
AL Central - 3rd Place, 5 games back of 1st Place, Chicago.
AL West - 2nd Place, 16 games back of 1st Place, Los Angels of Anaheim via Kentucky University of Georgia.

NL East - 4th Place, 8 games back of 1st Place, Philadelphia.
NL Central - 5th Place, 13 games back of 1st Place, Choke-ago Curses.

Here's a list of teams that missed the playoffs with a better record than the Los Angeles Dodgers.

Record GB Team
89-73 - New York Mets
89-73 - New York Yankees
88-75 1.5 Minnesota Twins
86-75 2.5 Houston Astros
86-76 3.0 St. Louis Cardinals
86-76 3.0 Toronto Blue Jays
84-77 4.5 Florida Marlins
84-78 5.0 Los Angeles Joe Torres

So I guess what we're really dealing with is this simple fact.

When Joe Torre is your coach, your team gets to choose which division it plays in.

Best Paid Benchwarmers?

I love comments. And I love e-mails (primeoffense@yahoo.com). And this is your chance to do one or the other.

Forbes released a list of the Best Paid Benchwarmers in Sports. I'm gonna focus mainly on the baseball end of this... because I think they missed a lot of guys who belonged on this list. Here's what they came up with:

1) Dave Roberts ($6.5M)
2) Jacque Jones ($6.3M)
3) Jay Payton ($5M)
4) D-meat-hook Young ($5M)
5) Frank Catalanotto ($4M)

Well how about the following guys? How do they miss this cut?

Carl Pavano is making $11M this year to not pitch for the Yankees.
Brandon Inge is on the books for $6.2M and it is his job to watch Miguel Cabrera hack it up at third base.
Coco Crisp makes $5M as a 4th outfielder without a bat.
Gary Matthews, Jr. is Anaheim's Coco Crisp... only for $9.4M this year.
Juan Pierre's making $8M this year. And Nomar Garciaparra is making $9.5M. Do I need to say more?

Who am I forgetting here? There's got to be a lot more of these guys... I thought it was a joke that Frank Catalanotto made a top 5... because his salary is only slightly above the major league average... I knew there had to be worse guys out there. There are probably more.

So please, give me your opinions on this. I want to know who you think is stealing money from your team. Lets make an Interactive Gangbang out of this topic!!!!!

Next Stop! Dodger Blue!!!

So in case you haven't heard, Willie Randolph is no longer the Manager of the New York Mets. He lasted a while, he had some good times and alas, he's fired in the middle of the night, 3,000 miles from home, after a win.

They let this guy twist in the wind for a month and then shit-canned him in the farthest possible place from home. Seems like a pretty harsh set of circumstances for a guy who's really not to blame for how bad the Mets have been this year.

You probably realize that the Mets payroll this year is around $140 Million, but as a Yankee fan, I'll be the first person to tell you that when your team is doling out that much payroll, a LOT of it is going to guys who aren't giving you the sort of production you were getting when you signed them. And spending money's no guarantee of winning a fucking thing any more.

Delgado is a $16 Million-a-year dead body.
Moises Alou's making $7.5 Million... and he's played in 15 games.
Pedro's on the books for $11 Million.
El Duque's getting another $7 Million to be the Mets answer to Carl Pavano jokes.

People got caught up in the "collapse" or the idea that the Mets had a bad month last September. The fact of the matter is they're a poorly constructed team and it caught up to them.

Reliable hitters in the Mets Lineup: David Wright, Carlos Beltran, Ryan Church (DL)
Reliable arms in the Mets Rotation/Bullpen: Johan Santana, John Maine, Pedro Feliciano, Billy Wagner

Point is, Willie's the scapegoat because Omar Minaya failed to understand that a few of guys have overachieved for the last year or two (Oliver Perez, Jose Reyes) and a bunch more were going to decline dramatically or be hurt (Delgado, Castillo, Pedro, El Duque, Alou).

The bottom line is that the GM needs to get shit-canned along with the manager. And I think we all know that Willie's going to end up in Los Angeles, where he can resume his former job of sleeping on the bench next to Joe Torre.

Where Should I Start?

I know exactly where to start...

Ned Colletti (the GM of the Dodgers) is a complete fucking moron. He continues signing washed up veterans to expensive contracts, not only bloating his payroll, but blocking his young players from breaking into the big leagues.

You're the Dodgers. You have Andre Ethier, Matt Kemp, James Loney, Delwyn Young and a slew of young prospect-type players. Tons and tons of cheap, controllable players with talent out the wazoo. You can mix a few savvy vets (Jeff Kent, Rafael Furcal, Derek Lowe, etc.) in there, and just win with those kids. If you're a GM, how can you possibly fuck this up?

Well, you could spend $91M on 8 years of Juan Pierre and Jason Schmidt... but that's old news.

Here's a great idea! Lets give $18M to Andruw Jones! You know, to reward him for getting fat and slow and looking disinterested in the game of baseball in 2007! And in the process, let's block those prospects from getting playtime!

That's right. Matt Kemp (.324/.348/.495) and Andre Ethier (.303/.388/.465) have to battle for playing time with the corpse of Andruw Jones (.163/.274/.255) and Juan Pierre (who's actually out to a nice start). Delwyn Young gets to ride pine.

For those of you waiting for Andruw Jones to break out of his slump... I hate to disappoint you, but it's not going to happen. You heard it here. Andruw Jones is fucking DONE. Why do I say that? Here's why...

The guy costs himself untold millions of dollars by having a shitty walk year. He's LUCKY that there's a sucker like Colletti to give him a one-year deal worth as much money as he got. So you'd figure he's motivated to show teams that he still wants to play, right?

Wrong. He comes to Dodger camp wearing a fucking D-Cup bra. Okay, not literally, but you get the picture. Fatter and more lethargic than ever. That's why Ethier and Kemp are losing at bats. So that $62 Million Dollars worth of .330 OBP Juan Pierre and 330 Lbs. of Andruw Jones can kill the Dodgers.

I know Frank McCourt (the Dodgers Owner) was pissed about hiring a smart guy who used numbers and computers and shit (Paul DePodesta) and not winning... but to swing a 180 and hire a schmuck like Colletti and stand by him as he literally shits out dollars on the remains Nomar Garciaparra, Jason Schmidt, Andruw Jones, Juan Pierre and Esteban Loaiza... Jesus Hfucking Christ!!

I mean... what did DePodesta do that was so fucking wrong? Paul Lo Duca, Juan Encarnacion and Guillermo Mota for Brad Penny and Hee Seop Choi? He signed Derek Lowe, J.D. Drew and Jeff Kent.

Kent and Lowe aren't amazing, but they're signed to reasonable contracts, and they're solid players. Drew kind of fucked the Dodgers over, but for the two years he was there, he performed... and now he's doing Coco Crisp impersonations in Boston. So what's the problem?

Hey McCourt... this is what happens when you fire your GM on the advice of a sentence-fragment poet like Bill Platschke.

You go from having a guy who can mug Brad Penny from the Marlins for a juicer and a statutory rapist...to a guy who inks the post-mortem 2002 All-Star Team.