Here's the list...
It was written by some guy. The cool thing about it is that "some guy" might actually have less credibility than me! Well, I'm gonna steal his idea with a very slight variation. Baseball players with Porn names... but specifically CHICK PORN NAMES!!! If you saw girls with these names chowing box in a girl-on-girl movie, you wouldn't bat an eye about it. Just for the hell of it, I'm gonna link chick pictures whenever possible!!!
1) Kosuke Fukudome - How can anybody possibly beat this name? Break it down by syllable! Fuck-You, Do Me!!!!!!! What's more porn than that!?
2) Chase Headley - Hahaha, his name actually involves the words "Chase Head"
3) B.J. Upton - Girls named B.J. can go a long way in the business.
4) Kerry Wood - Kerri? Never the less, she loves the wood.
5) Dana Eveland - Just think of the name Eve Land, as a secondary innuendo for the vagina, in an Adam and Eve sort of way.
6) Joey Devine - Yeah, I'm picking on the Oakland A's. I didn't give this guy the same last name as Ava.
7) Dallas McPherson - Brings new meaning to Debbie Does Dallas.
8) Jesse Litsch - If you say it fast... or if you call him Jesse-liscious. Which isn't a stretch.
9) Coco Crisp - First search of the name Coco on Google Images. I rest my case.
10) Randy Winn - Who also should have made the male list... with a name like RANDY. That goes both ways...
Showing posts with label Blowjobs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blowjobs. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
The Blowing Cohns Update!!!!!
Some of you might remember the following from my May 27th post.
Barry Zito will go 14-1 for the rest of the year and write a song comparing pitching to surfing! (Yup, that was Iggy Cohn's statement)
I don't know if Zito can sing or play guitar. But if Zito goes 14-1 from this point forward, and finishes with exactly 15 wins and 9 losses in 2008, I will personally... get on a plane... fly to San Francisco... and suck Lowell and Iggy Cohn's fucking cocks. I'm not gonna get super into it and yank on their balls like it's the last paper towel on the roll. I'm not gonna enjoy it. But I'll do it if Barry Zito goes 14-1 for the rest of the year. That's how completely fucking certain I am that this will not happen.
(And that was my response to the assertion that Zito would morph into Sandy Koufax because Iggy's dad called him a bum.)
So that was three weeks ago... lets find out how Zito's done under the immense pressure of trying to be responsible for making me give head to strangers.
5/29 vs. AZ - 6 IP, 6 H, 3 ER, 3 BB, 5 K's and a no decision. Not bad, a quality start, maybe he's turning it around... I'm nervous...
6/3 vs. Los Mets - 4.1 IP, 7 H, 5 ER, 5 BB, 1 K and a loss. Okay, he was allowed 1 loss. We're not out of the woods yet.
6/8 vs. The Nats - 5 IP, 7 H, 3 ER, 4 BB, 2 K's and a win. This can't happen, can it? This was a really cheap win... can he really win 14 in a row like this? That would be my luck.
6/13 vs. Oak - 5.2 IP, 6 H, 4 ER, 4 BB, 3 K's and a loss! Sort of fitting that the A's would be the team to save me from losing my oral virginity to a couple of short, pale Jewish men. Billy Beane, your crazy moneyball computer baseball simulations shall be forever welcome in my life! I'll even pretend to believe that you didn't write Moneyball!!! And I just might name my first-born child after Jack Cust. Especially if it's a girl.
So there you have it. If you're a sports journalist, and you make crazy predictions, bloggers will threaten to fly to your city and give you hummers. I hope we've all learned a valuable lesson from this... especially you, John Kruk.
Barry Zito will go 14-1 for the rest of the year and write a song comparing pitching to surfing! (Yup, that was Iggy Cohn's statement)
I don't know if Zito can sing or play guitar. But if Zito goes 14-1 from this point forward, and finishes with exactly 15 wins and 9 losses in 2008, I will personally... get on a plane... fly to San Francisco... and suck Lowell and Iggy Cohn's fucking cocks. I'm not gonna get super into it and yank on their balls like it's the last paper towel on the roll. I'm not gonna enjoy it. But I'll do it if Barry Zito goes 14-1 for the rest of the year. That's how completely fucking certain I am that this will not happen.
(And that was my response to the assertion that Zito would morph into Sandy Koufax because Iggy's dad called him a bum.)
So that was three weeks ago... lets find out how Zito's done under the immense pressure of trying to be responsible for making me give head to strangers.
5/29 vs. AZ - 6 IP, 6 H, 3 ER, 3 BB, 5 K's and a no decision. Not bad, a quality start, maybe he's turning it around... I'm nervous...
6/3 vs. Los Mets - 4.1 IP, 7 H, 5 ER, 5 BB, 1 K and a loss. Okay, he was allowed 1 loss. We're not out of the woods yet.
6/8 vs. The Nats - 5 IP, 7 H, 3 ER, 4 BB, 2 K's and a win. This can't happen, can it? This was a really cheap win... can he really win 14 in a row like this? That would be my luck.
6/13 vs. Oak - 5.2 IP, 6 H, 4 ER, 4 BB, 3 K's and a loss! Sort of fitting that the A's would be the team to save me from losing my oral virginity to a couple of short, pale Jewish men. Billy Beane, your crazy moneyball computer baseball simulations shall be forever welcome in my life! I'll even pretend to believe that you didn't write Moneyball!!! And I just might name my first-born child after Jack Cust. Especially if it's a girl.
So there you have it. If you're a sports journalist, and you make crazy predictions, bloggers will threaten to fly to your city and give you hummers. I hope we've all learned a valuable lesson from this... especially you, John Kruk.
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