The 100th Post!! Not a Placemarker Any More... I'm Just Stupid.

Grats to Me!!! My 100th post is now up and complete!!!! Hooray!! Or something.

So here's what we're checking out. It was covered by Sports By Brooks and says that, apparently, people are buying the sperm of former athletes from sperm banks, in the hope that their kids will have athletic prowess. This is fucked up on so many levels that I don't know where to start... so I'm not even going to get into that aspect of it.

My big question is... what kind of athlete is selling his love sauce to sperm banks? I came up with a few names, and I'm going to try to fill out a list here.

1) Rickey Henderson - "You're the best Rickey!! Just think about it Rickey!! Now there can be 10 Rickeys!!! ONE HUNDRED RICKEYS!! Rickey can be his own team!!! Rickey will never have to lose because who could possibly beat a whole team of Rickey?"

2) Jose Canseco - Come on, like you weren't thinking the same thing? The better question is... after all the roid's he's done, how much sperm could he possibly get out of those shriveled up little balls? Sammy Davis, Jr.'s got a bigger payload, and he's been dead for almost 20 years.

3) Adam "Not Pacman" Jones - Although in this case, he's not the one selling it to the Spooj House. The strippers are actually sapping it up with bar towels and squeezing it out into shot glasses shortly after he makes it rain.

4) Shaq - He'd actually be doing the NBA a service here. Seriously. If he's not doing this, he should. It's the only way the Knicks are ever going to get a decent center.

5) Kobe Bryant - Because once he hears that Shaq's doing it, he'll feel compelled to try to do it better.

6) Elijah Dukes - Dude's 24. Dude's got 5 kids already. Dude's first two kids were born 8 days apart. It's on, dawg. You dead, dawg. I ain't even bullshittin', dawg. Oops... sorry, that's part of the voicemail Dukes left for one of his baby mommas.

7) Latrell Sprewell - The best way for Spree to feed his kids, is by selling the genetic material to create about 700 more kids.

8) Shawn Kemp - When wikipedia says that you've fathered "at least seven children" but apparently can't be sure... you make this list. It don't even matter to me who is in the car with you. N*gga, all I know is, n*gga, when I see your muthafuckin' ass riding, dawg, it's on. God dammit, somebody hit stop on the Dukes tape!!!

9) Alex Rodriguez - From what I've heard, he used to charge Cynthia for the stuff. He really doesn't believe in giving away ANYTHING that somebody will pay for. I'm actually pretty sure you can buy baracks of his Casper Army at his Merch Tent at Spring Training. Yeah, Casper looks like jizz, doesn't he?

10) Anthony Merino - A quarterback for the semi-pro Empire State Titans, Merino was arrested after security guards found him having sex with the corpse of a 92-year-old woman in the New Jersey hospital at which he was a lab technician. I have no joke here. No joke at all.

This Amuses Me As Much As Upsets Me...

This right here.

If you follow tennis at all then you've probably heard of Justin Gimelstob. I don't follow tennis at all, and I knew the name. Apparently, Justin's never dealt with the media before. He sat down with US Radio for an hour and talked to them like they were his frat buddies.

Hey Justin, they couldn't be more prepared to dig your grave if they came to the interview holding shovels and dressed like this. Moving right along, in the interview, Gimelstob tore into several female tennis players, calling them 'sexpots', 'douches', and 'bitches'.

Most of his venom was directed at Anna Kournikova, who he trained when she was a junior. He went so far as to say that he wouldn't hit it, because her face is only a 5, but he'd be happy if his brother tapped that ass. He called her a bitch and claimed that he's going to make her cry when he plays her in an exhibition next month.

There's an old joke about the words 'bitch' and 'slut' and it goes something like this.

A slut fucks everybody. A bitch fucks everybody but you.

And Justin, here's a tip for that exhibition match next month. Play completely naked! I'm sure Anna Kournikova will be moved to tears, plus it'll be really hard for her to hit a tennis ball while she's doubled over laughing at you.

I don't see what's good or funny about directing your attacks at this. Or this. Or this. It's actually completely nutless. Especially when we all know that this guy is at home right now waxing his carrot to pictures of Pete Sampras.

God, I can't believe I just wrote this much about tennis. But yeah, for the record, you can think whatever you want about chicks. You can say... whatever you want about chicks... privately. When you go on the record, calling a bunch of girls 'bitches' and 'sexpots' and shit... it's probably going to be a VERY long time before you get Waldo the One-Eyed Cyclops into the swimming pool again.