The 100th Post!! Not a Placemarker Any More... I'm Just Stupid.

Grats to Me!!! My 100th post is now up and complete!!!! Hooray!! Or something.

So here's what we're checking out. It was covered by Sports By Brooks and says that, apparently, people are buying the sperm of former athletes from sperm banks, in the hope that their kids will have athletic prowess. This is fucked up on so many levels that I don't know where to start... so I'm not even going to get into that aspect of it.

My big question is... what kind of athlete is selling his love sauce to sperm banks? I came up with a few names, and I'm going to try to fill out a list here.

1) Rickey Henderson - "You're the best Rickey!! Just think about it Rickey!! Now there can be 10 Rickeys!!! ONE HUNDRED RICKEYS!! Rickey can be his own team!!! Rickey will never have to lose because who could possibly beat a whole team of Rickey?"

2) Jose Canseco - Come on, like you weren't thinking the same thing? The better question is... after all the roid's he's done, how much sperm could he possibly get out of those shriveled up little balls? Sammy Davis, Jr.'s got a bigger payload, and he's been dead for almost 20 years.

3) Adam "Not Pacman" Jones - Although in this case, he's not the one selling it to the Spooj House. The strippers are actually sapping it up with bar towels and squeezing it out into shot glasses shortly after he makes it rain.

4) Shaq - He'd actually be doing the NBA a service here. Seriously. If he's not doing this, he should. It's the only way the Knicks are ever going to get a decent center.

5) Kobe Bryant - Because once he hears that Shaq's doing it, he'll feel compelled to try to do it better.

6) Elijah Dukes - Dude's 24. Dude's got 5 kids already. Dude's first two kids were born 8 days apart. It's on, dawg. You dead, dawg. I ain't even bullshittin', dawg. Oops... sorry, that's part of the voicemail Dukes left for one of his baby mommas.

7) Latrell Sprewell - The best way for Spree to feed his kids, is by selling the genetic material to create about 700 more kids.

8) Shawn Kemp - When wikipedia says that you've fathered "at least seven children" but apparently can't be sure... you make this list. It don't even matter to me who is in the car with you. N*gga, all I know is, n*gga, when I see your muthafuckin' ass riding, dawg, it's on. God dammit, somebody hit stop on the Dukes tape!!!

9) Alex Rodriguez - From what I've heard, he used to charge Cynthia for the stuff. He really doesn't believe in giving away ANYTHING that somebody will pay for. I'm actually pretty sure you can buy baracks of his Casper Army at his Merch Tent at Spring Training. Yeah, Casper looks like jizz, doesn't he?

10) Anthony Merino - A quarterback for the semi-pro Empire State Titans, Merino was arrested after security guards found him having sex with the corpse of a 92-year-old woman in the New Jersey hospital at which he was a lab technician. I have no joke here. No joke at all.

It's really only about $270,000.00 US Dollars...

And now, the dumb salary-related argument made by a professional athlete in any sport since Latrell Sprewell publicly wondered how he'd feed his family on only $7 Million a year.

Yup, Cristiano Ronaldo is likening his current plight of being stuck in a contract that only pays him 120,000 pounds a week for a team that he doesn't want to play for... to slavery!

That's better than a quarter of a million dollars a week. A WEEK. A fucking week!!! If this blog made 1% of that a week, I'd be a pig in shit dancing on rooftops!! And he's comparing himself to a slave.

Do we need to sit back and explain the dynamics of "slavery"? Because no part of it involves prancing around in little shorts and kicking a fucking soccer ball. Obviously, as I am American, I have minimal respect for the game of soccer.

I played it briefly when I was 10. I got kicked in the nuts. I hated it. And I quit and joined a baseball team instead.

It's been a bad few weeks for guys whos names involve Ronaldo, hasn't it? I mean, what with the other one getting caught with tranny hookers and all.

Congrats Cristiano, you're the official recipient of the Trojan ENZ Boner of the Week Award! Just don't show it to the other Ronaldo. He might try to proposition it for sex.