Fixing The Mets & Yankees! With Grit and Hustle!!!

Apparently the hot topic after both New York baseball teams failed to make the playoffs, is how to fix their rosters. I know it's the hot topic, because yesterday, I found like 600 articles about it. I really think the heads of sports in New York told all their writers on Tuesday to write something about this. And I don't think the journalists were cool with the idea, because none of them seemed to put even a slight bit of thought into the process. Here are the three we're going to deal with... all at once... because they're all stupid, and all similar:

Daily News's Bill Madden on the Yankees
Daily News's John Harper on the Mets
Newsday's Ken Davidoff on Both!!

We'll start with Bill Madden, who's usually a pretty smart guy, but very clearly lays an egg this time out.

Madden suggests the following:

Trade Robinson Cano and Phil Hughes to Colorado for Matt Holliday.
Sign Orlando Hudson to replace Cano at Second Base.
Don't sign Mark Teixeira.
Play Jorge Posada at First Base.
Sign Greg Zaun to back up Jose Molina at catcher.
Trade for David DeJesus (from Kansas City), specifically because he batted .419 with runners in scoring position this year.
Dump Bobby Abreu, trade Hideki Matsui, and DH Johnny Damon.
Avoid CC Sabathia and AJ Burnett.
Sign Derek Lowe, "who, at 35, has suddenly taken on the look of an ace."
Sign Oliver Perez to "crazy money for (a) middle-of-the-rotation starter."

Robinson Cano is going to be 26 next year. He's a career .303/.335/.468 hitter at second base, and has decent, developing power. Defensively, he's better than adequate, and his games totals for the last 2 years are 159 and 160, so he's pretty durable.

Phil Hughes is going to be 23 next year, and was considered to be the best pitching prospect in baseball a couple of years ago. He got hurt last year, and hurt again this year. When he came back from his injury, he looked good. It seems a bit early to give up on the kid to me.

In return for this, you're going to get Matt Holliday. He's sick good... at Coors field (.357/.423/.645 at Coors for his career). However... on the road he turns into Hideki Matsui. Yup, on the road, Holliday is .280/.348/.455 for his career. So if Holliday comes to the Yankees, how many games per year is he going to play at Coors Field? Probably none... so is this really a good idea? I don't fucking think so Bill Madden. Did you bother to look at Holliday's home/away splits? No, you didn't.

Orlando Hudson is going to look for somebody to overpay him. He's a great defensive second baseman, but a pretty average hitter(.282/.346/.433, OPS+ 99). He's a downgrade from Cano (career OPS+ 110). And in 6 full seasons, he's played 142, 135, 131, 157, 139, and 107 games. So with one exception, he misses at least 20 games a year, every year. And he's going to be 31. I'm going to say no to Orlando Hudson. This is a stupid idea.

Mark Teixeira hit .308/.410/.552 this year, with 33 homers and 41 doubles. He's sick fucking good no matter where he plays. And he's a good first baseman. And you don't want him why?

Instead, you want Posada... who's played 130 innings of First Base in his 14-year career? And you want to replace his offensive production behind the plate with Jose Molina (career OPS+ 62) and Greg Zaun (career OPS+ 90)? Isn't the fact that the Yankees got NOTHING offensively from the Catcher position part of what doomed them this year? You want to do that... AGAIN?

I like David DeJesus. He's a Bronx guy. He's also appeared in 96, 122, 119, 157 and 135 games in his career. He doesn't stay on the field. And he's pretty much an average hitter. Melky Cabrera can probably give you the production that DeJesus will. Unless you believe that DeJesus is going to hit .419 with RSIP every year... in which case, you're a moron and I can't help you. And also, statistics now hate you for manipulating them in this horrible way. I hope you're happy.

Derek Lowe did not look like "an ace" this year. He went 14-11 with a 3.24 ERA and a 1.133 WHIP. He had a 136 ERA+, which is good... until you consider that he pitches for the Dodgers, in the NL West. The NL West is the worst division in baseball, and more specifically, the worst HITTING division in baseball. You want to move him over to the BEST hitting division in baseball? And you expect him to duplicate these results? Oh... and he's going to be 36... and looking for a 3-year contract? How good do you expect him to be at 39?

Oliver Perez was 10-7 this year with a 4.22 ERA and a 1.402 WHIP. In the NL East, those numbers are pretty god-awful. Yes, he has potential and a live arm. We've always known that. He also walked a career-high 105 guys this year. ONE. HUNDRED. AND. FIVE. WALKS. No thanks.

Next up, John Harper on the Mets (Don't worry, it gets easier):

Be open to trading David Wright or Jose Reyes.
Don't pick up Delgado's Option.
Play Daniel Murphy at First Base.
Dump Luis Castillo.
Sign Orlando Hudson.
Sign Raul Ibanez.
Dump Pedro and Oliver Perez.
Sign Derek Lowe.
Trade for JJ Putz (from Seattle).

Trading David Wright or Jose Reyes would be the dumbest imaginable thing the Mets could do. They'll never get equal value for either of their young, cheap superkids. And why make a trade if it doesn't improve your team in ANY WAY?

Carlos Delgado sucked for 4 months. And then he turned into Barry Bonds circa 2002 for 2 months. You want to let him walk? You don't think they should pick up the option, and then look to trade him, the way the Yankees did with Gary Sheffield? That way they can get something in return for him?

Daniel Murphy at First Base.... hmm....why could this possibly be a bad idea? Maybe because the entirity of his major league experience consists of 130 at bats in August and September? You really want to entrust one of the cornerstones of your offense to a 23-year old who's cup of coffee impressed you? Good luck with that.

You're dumping Luis Castillo because he's expensive, injury-proned and he can't hit, which caused the fans to hate him. And you're paying his salary so a team will take him. And then you want to sign Orlando Hudson... who's going to be expensive... and is injury-proned... and who doesn't hit that much either? So let me get this straight... you're dumping 2008 Luis Castillo... and signing 2009 Luis Castillo?

Raul Ibanez is 37. Didn't the Mets start 2007 and 2008 with Moises Alou? Because he's old... but he's a great hitter when he's healthy? Was he ever healthy? Yeah, Ibanez is a solid hitter, and I'm sure he's a wonderful guy. If you're the Mets... and you fielded the oldest team in baseball in 2008, shouldn't you be trying to get a little younger?

Derek Lowe: See Above. What's with these people and Derek Lowe?

JJ Putz rocks. He's a good relief pitcher/closer. I like him. Who do the Mets give up, to get him? He's cheap and good, and I'm guessing the Mariners will get better offers than "Fernando Martinez."

Last up, Ken Davidoff (again, most of his suggestions are the same):

Mets
Sign Francisco Rodriguez and Darren Oliver.
Dump Ayala, Heilman, Sanchez and Schoeneweis.
Dump Castillo. Give Second Base to Daniel Murphy.
Dump Pedro.
Don't sign Manny Ramirez. Get Juan Rivera and Fernando Tatis instead.
Don't sign Damaso Marte or trade for Huston Street.
Look for more guys like Brian Stokes.
Sign Wes Helms, because he hit a homer in the last game.
Sign Oliver Perez, Jon Garland or Derek Lowe.

Yankees
Get Derek Lowe for $15M a year.
Guilt Pettitte into returning for $10M.
Melky, Damon and Brett Gardner share Centerfield in 2009.
Keep Cano, unless you can trade him for Matt Cain or Jake Peavy.
Don't sign CC Sabathia or AJ Burnett.
Don't re-sign Giambi.
Sign Casey Blake to play First Base.

You want to pay $20 Million a year for Francisco Rodriguez? While you're still paying $10+ Million for Billy Wagner? So you're going to spend $30 Million on the 9th inning? That's fucking madness. Do I need to explain why?

Darren Oliver is 38. That's scary-old to sign a pitcher. And he's a lefty specialist. The Mets already have a lefty specialist named Pedro Feliciano, who's 6 years younger and better against Lefties. The manager just needs to understand that Feliciano shouldn't pitch to righties. Ever.

Castillo -> David Murphy: See above.

Manny: .332/.430/.601, 36 2B, 37 HR.
Juan Rivera: .246/.282/.438, 13 2B, 12 HR.
Fernando Tatis: Old. Flukey.

Huston Street: Closer, 24 years old, career ERA+ 148.
Brian Stokes: 28 years old, career ERA+ 78, released by Tampa Bay.

Wes Helms: .243/.299/.347 (OPS+ 72). But go ahead and sign him because he knocked you out of the playoffs. Maybe in 2009 you can miss the playoffs because of the hits he DOESN'T get.

Perez/Lowe: See above.
Jon Garland: 90 strikeouts this year. 98 strikeouts last year. Career ERA+ 103. Although I'd probably take him over Lowe or Perez.

And now for the Yankees:

Lowe: See above again. These guys fucking love Derek Lowe.

Andy Pettitte sucked balls this year. And he knows it. You wouldn't have to "guilt him" into taking $10 Million dollars to pitch next season. He'd probably suck Hank Steinbrenner's cock for that contract offer right now.

Johnny Damon breaks down in CF. Melky was awful. And Gardner can't hit. And that's your plan? That seems sound enough.

So you're going to keep Robinson Cano unless someone offers you Jake Peavy or Matt Cain for him? In other words... you're going to keep Robinson Cano. Good, I agree with you. But for the record, nobody would ever be drunk or stupid enough to offer Peavy or Cain for him.

AJ Burnett's won/lost record this year is going to land him a big contract. And it shouldn't, because he wasn't that great, truth be told. I agree that the Yankees should stay away from him. But why in the blue FUCK shouldn't they go after CC Sabathia? Did you watch any baseball games this year? Or last year? How about in 2006? Did you watch baseball then? Have you ever actually watched a baseball game, dude? Yeah, he's thrown a ton of innings. Yeah, he might break down. After passing on Santana for the same reasons, the Yankees CAN FUCKING NOT afford to let Sabathia get away. It's not about trading talent this time. It's just money. The Yankees can afford the salary whether Sabathia gets hurt or not. This is a no-brainer for anyone who isn't on the payroll of Derek Lowe.

Casey Blake at First Base? You do realize that Giambi spends more time on the basepaths than Casey Blake, right? And he hits more home runs? And defensively, it's probably a wash, since Blake's only played 105 games at First Base in his career? I'll say this again... how about if the Yankees go after Mark Teixeira... who's good defensively, and hits more than Casey Blake and Jason Giambi combined?

I'm going to sleep. Yes, it's 12:41 in the afternoon. But I'm exhausted now. Later.

Giving as Good as I Get

Thank you, New York Post, for giving me this wonderful article.

This gives me the chance to do something that I know you've all wanted to see. You've seen me take giant steaming dumps on the White Sox, Cubs, Reds, Dodgers and just about everybody else but I haven't said a thing about the team I pull for. Well here we go.

So lets get started with trades that Joel Sherman thinks the Yankees should pull immediately, trades that will restore the pinstripe glory and all that.

Yanks trade Horne and Ohlendorf to the Pirates for Damaso Marte

Damaso Marte. That's what Horne and Ohlendorf are netting for the Yanks? Entering the season, Horne and Ohlendorf were ranked 5 and 9 in the Yankees system by Baseball America. The Yankees are trading two of their top-10 prospects for a lefty reliever who looks good in the weakest hitting division in baseball? Yeah, great fucking idea. Trade 12 years of young, cheap pitching for 50 innings of Damaso Marte. Brilliant!

Yanks trade Melky Cabrera, Ian Kennedy and Austin Romine for Huston Street

Billy Beane is sitting in his office at about 9:00 PM on a Thursday night when his phone rings.

Billy Beane: Hello?
Brian Cashman: Hey Billy! It's Brian Cashman with the Yankees. I have a trade offer for you.
Beane: Brian, I've told you already that we don't want Giambi or Damon back.
Cashman: I know, this one's way better! Cabrera and Kennedy for Huston Street!
Beane: Kennedy's hurt.
Cashman: Just a little bit! And you get Melky Cabrera!!
Beane: Whoa! MELKY CABRERA!! I thought you meant Miguel Cabrera!!
Cashman: Yup! Melky! Los Leche!!!
Beane: Oh my God! Hang on, I have to text my BFF Paul DePodesta to tell him about this!!! OMG PAUL I GOT MELKY OMFG LOL CASHMAN OMGOMGOMG!!!!!!1

Kennedy's hurt and his value is shit right now. Melky is a decent centerfielder with a .338 OBP. Which is to say, not really what Beane salivates over. Billy Beane would laugh at Cashman. Then hang up the phone. An hour later, he'd call Cashman back and laugh some more. Beane would then, go out for happy hour, get drunk, stumble into his house at 3 AM and call Cashman again, waking him from a sound sleep.... to laugh at him again.

Yanks trade Hideki Matsui, Jose Tabata and Alberto Gonzalez to the Giants for Jonathan Sanchez and Randy Winn

There was talk of a Matsui deal at the start of the year. Cashman wanted Sanchez. The Giants offered Noah Lowry. So now that Sanchez has thrown 75 pretty good innings this year, the Giants are going to give him up? Tabata is underachieving, Gonzalez can't hit. Again, this trade is not happening.

Yanks trade Edwar Ramirez and J.B. Cox to the Astros for Ty Wigginton

I might have failed to mention, the Yankees are supposed to make all 5 of these trades, or it doesn't work. Sherman thinks the Yanks need Wigginton to play first base now that he's moved Matsui and cleared up the DH spot for Giambi.

Problems:
1) None of the trades up to this one would work.
2) Giambi can't hit when he DH's. He's hitting now, so why fuck with him?
3) Matsui has a no-trade clause and would probably reject a deal to the Giants, even if the Giants were crazy enough to pull the trigger on that deal.

So I'm going to go ahead and say no. The Yankees do not need Ty Wigginton.

A three-way trade in which the Yanks get Nick Swisher, Matt Thornton and John Danks. The White Sox get Melky Cabrera, Hideki Matsui, Ian Kennedy and Ray Durham. The Giants get Paul Konerko, Alberto Gonzalez and Shelley Duncan.

I guess this one is a fall-back plan if 1-4 fail. Otherwise the Yanks are trading Melky, Matsui, Kennedy and Gonzalez twice. But lets break this down.

Yanks lose: Melky, Matsui, Kennedy, Gonzalez, Duncan.
Yanks get: Danks, Swisher, Thornton

2 Months ago, the Yanks wouldn't give up Kennedy and Melky for Johan Santana. Now they move them for basically, Danks and Swisher? Pshh...

White Sox lose: Swisher, Thornton, Danks, Konerko
White Sox get: Melky, Matsui, Kennedy, Durham

The White Sox gave up a ton for Swisher. They're dumping him for this garbage? And Danks? Who's 23 and has been lights out so far this year?

Giants lose: Durham
Giants get: Konerko, Gonzalez, Duncan

Do I need to say anything? Anything at all? Ray Durham for Paul Konerko. The White Sox are in first place, and they're having a fucking fire sale.

Joel Sherman, your article represents epic failure. Please punch yourself in the testicles.

Ozzie #!@&@*! Guillen! Yeah!!!

Ozzie Guillen's not happy with the makeup of his (temporarily) first place team. So this astronaut goes to the press and assures them that the GM is going to make a move.

The only problem? Kenny Williams (the GM) has no knowledge of a move pending, saying the following:

"It's just not a good idea to throw your boss under the bus, especially when that boss has had your back as much as I have had his."

So yeah, Kenny's not happy. You have to figure that there was a conversation between Williams and Guillen before Ozzie went to the press though... because Ozzie had to have a reason to think a move was coming. Here's what I think happened.

Ozzie Guillen: Hallo Kenny! Hey, you got a minute mang? I need to talk with you.
Kenny Williams: Sure Ozzie, I've always got time for you, what's up?
OG: Mira Kenny! I can no ween with this offense!
KW: Yeah, some of the guys have been bad. I think Konerko will come around though, maybe it's time to dump Juan Uri...
OG: SCOTT PODSEDNIK MANG!!
KW: Wha? Where? Here?
OG: No Kenny! MIRA!! WE NEED PODSEDNIK!! AND DARIN ERSTAD!!!
KW: Oh, umm... no Ozzie, I don't think we need them. I think we need to cut Juan Uribe and let my grandmother play his position. That would hel...
OG: MOTHER FUCKER!! I NEED GRINDERS YOU FUCKING MARICÓN!!! I NEED SMARTBALL GRINDERS!! I NEED DIRT!!
KW: Podsednik OPS'd .172 last year! And Darin Erstad's been dead for at least seven years!
OG: AND I WANT ECKSTEIN!!
KW: Okay, lets say that I get Eckstein, Erstad and Podsednik. I guess we can play Eckstein at second instead of Uribe, but what about Quentin and Swish?
OG: Mira Kenny! We cut O-Cab and leave Uribe. Uribe is my mang, mang!!
KW: But what about Swish and Quentin?
OG: *pulls out switchblade* FUCK SWISHER!!! AND FUCK CARLOS QUENTIN!! I BURY THOSE COCK-A-ROACH!!
KW: No fucking way Ozzie. There's no way we're dumping Quentin, Swish and O-Cab for those guys...
OG: What you say mang? *Points switchblade at Kenny Williams*
KW: *sarcastically* Okay, okay Ozzie. Sure... I'll go to my office right now and make the trades. I'll completely destroy this team's offense, and mortally wound the franchise's future for the next 7,491 years to get the guys you want. Will that make you happy?
OG: *Puts away switchblade* Aye! I love you Kenny! I going to call a press conference!!!!
OG: *Skips away excitedly*

My First Repeat Offender!

Jeff Moore of Dugout Central (formerly The Baseline Report) has managed to make the list again. You'll remember Moore's crazy "trade your closer in April" rant from about a week ago.

Well, he's followed that conventional wisdom up with some advice for the San Diego Padres and Houston Astros!

Astros get:
Randy Wolf – SP
Brian Giles – OF

Padres get:
Michael Bourn – OF (Oops! Wrong Bourne.)
Wesley Wright – RP
Jack Cassel – SP/RP

Why is this so crazy? Let me count the reasons.

1) It's May 14th. Nobody, and I mean nobody. Nobody. No effing body starts breaking up their roster this early. Yeah, the Pods are 15-25, but the strength of their team is the pitching and they're going to give up a pitcher 40 games into the season?

2) Justin Huber, Brian Giles, Scott Hairston, Jody Gerut, Paul McAnulty. Those are the outfielders on the Padres active roster. Not impressive. No pop whatsoever here. How does this team score runs? Fucked if I know. Here's a good idea. Lets dump the one solid offensive player in the group... and replace him with Michael Bourn... who Jeff Moore repeatedly points out, is hitting under .200. That's big help to the Padres.

3) Randy Wolf is going to solidify the Astros pitching staff? Really? Shit, I need sub-numbers for this.
a) Randy Wolf hasn't made more than 23 starts or pitched more than 137 innings since 2003.
b) Randy Wolf is making $4.5M and the 'Stros are kinda cheap when it comes to bad pitching.
c) Randy Wolf has a 5.16 ERA so far this year.
d) Randy Wolf hasn't had an ERA+ better than 110 since 2002.

Lets state what's actually going on in this trade:

Astros get:
Randy Wolf – Oft-Injured, Overpaid Stiff with a career ERA+ of 101.
Brian Giles – 37-year old outfielder who's owed $9M this year, and will probably demand that his option for next year at $9M be picked up to approve a trade.

Padres get:
Michael Bourn – Big time prospect... but everybody wonders if he can hit. Sorta looks like he can't hit.
Wesley Wright – Doesn't offer "substantial value" per Jeff Moore, who never mentions him again after that.
Jack Cassel – Sucked in 2 starts. But not much more than Wolf has sucked for the last 5 years.

I'm going to go ahead and say that this is the rare trade that would help NOBODY.

The Astros add like $23942378234879 Million in payroll for an average-at-best pitcher who's going to get hurt, and a 37-year old outfielder in decline.

The Padres get a 25-year old speedster who can't hit (Juan Pierre anyone?) and a couple of pitchers who don't offer "substantial value" per the guy suggesting this trade.

I guess it helps the Padres slightly... because they'd shed some bad (but short-term) payroll. Problem is that the name of the article is "Astros Should Trade for Padres' Wolf and Giles."

No, Jeff Moore. No, they most certainly should not. In fact, this is the opposite of what they should do. Pags gets a tag because he employs this fucktard.

Lets Trade Our Closer in April!!

If you've never seen dugoutcentral.com (formerly thebaselinereport.com), you should check it out regularly. It's sort of like "goofy speculative shit central" for Mike Pagliarulo and his team of crack(head) scouting professionals.

In one of today's new posts, some guy named Jeff Moore thinks the A's should dump their closer. The Brewers need one, and Billy Beane can probably pull another of his famous back-alley muggings if he sends Huston Street to Milwaukee, so here we go...

General Manager Doug Melvin took a $10 million flyer on the once-dominant veteran of the Mitchell Report Eric Gagne. After his success as a closer with Texas last year, Melvin thought it was worth the one year commitment to give Gagne a chance, and overlooked his flop in Boston in a set-up role. Apparently the Boston Gagne showed up to Milwaukee. Whether it’s the over-sized uniform, lack of shaving, age, injury, or some combination, Gagne clearly is not the pitcher he once was.

So lets recap. $10 Million on Gagne? Check. Pitched terrible in Boston? Check. Still fat? Check plus. Injury-proned? Check. Took steroids? Checkamundo! How could this signing possibly not work out for the Brewers? I know... it must be his fucking beard.

While back of the bullpen arms are not exactly growing on trees, it just so happens that Billy Beane, always willing to trade a closer for the benefit of the rest of his team, has one growing in Oakland.

Why yes! This is true, because according to Beane's philosophy (which is rather well documented), closers are highly overvalued, and the kind of team who'll give $10 million to this guy, will probably deal off 400 years of cheap, quality minor league service time for Huston Street. So tell me Jeff Moore, what should Billy Beane get from those gullible Brewers?

Milwaukee gets:
Houston Street (CL)

Oakland gets:
Mat Gamel (3B)
Cole Gillespie (LF)
Gabe Kapler (OF)

Lets start with Mat Gamel. A little bit of research reveals that Gamel is 22 years old and was promoted to Double-A to start this season. He seems like a solid enough prospect, but the reason Jeff Moore cites for going after him is:

In Gamel, the A’s would get a 22-year old 3B who is currently tearing up Double-A (.367/.433/.633 with 19 extra base hits in 30 games), and has a career minor league .861 OPS.

Do I need to explain that 30 games is a pretty small sample size rendering these numbers pretty useless? For the record, Gamel's minor league career stats are in the .300/.360/.500 realm, which is very good, but doesn't leap out as a Beane-type player. Lots of strikeouts, not too many walks. A complete hack on defense (53 errors in 128 games in 2007). I guess this guy's a decent start.

Gillespie is a polished college hitter who shows solid plate discipline and would be another nice addition to Beane’s collection of potential major league outfielders in the minors.

Cole Gillespie is 24 years old, just made the jump to Double-A, and is struggling there. He's getting a little old to be considered a "potential major league outfielder." And why in tarnation would the A's want Gabe Kapler?!

Kapler would help the A’s in the short term as they justify trading their closer to their fans while they sit a game out of first place. He would also help balance out their outfield situation and could start in centerfield against lefties with Ryan Sweeney struggling. Kapler no longer has a spot in the Brewer outfield now that Mike Cameron is back.

Gabe Kapler would help justify giving away your closer for a couple of Double-A players? It all makes sense now! The A's could replace Gabe Kapler with Cole Gillespie at the All-Star break... and by then, Kapler will have sucked so bad that Gillespie will look like an improvement! Great thinking Jeff Moore!!!

Kapler is a bad fourth outfielder. He no longer has a spot in the Brewers outfield because a less bad fourth outfielder (Mike Cameron) is back, which shows you how bad of a fourth outfielder that Gabe Kapler really is.

In closing, I'm not saying that Beane won't trade Huston Street. I'm sure he will, around the all-star break, when a few teams are desperate for back-end bullpen help.

By then the Yankees will need someone for the 8th inning if they move Joba Chamberlain into their rotation.

The Red Sox will probably be interested in Street, if only to prevent him from going to the Yankees.

The Mets will almost definitely want bullpen help. The Brewers will still need a closer. And there will probably be at least 4 other teams in the hunt for Huston Street.

And when there are six or seven teams in the market for one of Billy Beane's players, he usually walks away with whatever he wants. Therefore, the entire premise of making a deal in early-May for a couple of Double-A guys and a bad fourth outfielder is asinine on a level for which I do not have a word.

Feel free to contact me if you know a word which might apply to this situation.