The Count is No Balls and Two Dykes

I'm sure I'm getting to this late. I blame that on all of you because nobody tipped me off about it, I had to find it on my own. And for the record, I'm totally taking advantage of every chance to link chicks kissing.

Apparently a couple of chicks were going at it during a Mariner game and it upset some people. God, where do I go with this for a cheap laugh? I'll just make a list:

1) Isn't this the most exciting thing that's happened at a Mariner game all season?
2) If I pay for plane tickets, will these girls come watch Yankees games instead?
3) Can Adrian Beltre get some love from these girls? He's got no balls, which practically makes him a lesbian.

Some people claimed that these girls were groping each other and whatnot, to which they state that they were "eating garlic fries and giving each other brief kisses."

Have you ever tried to get someone to come within 17 feet of your mouth while eating garlic fries? This is obviously true love, which brings me to my exciting conclusion.

If lesbians want to go to baseball games, more power to them.
If they want to kiss at baseball games, again, more power to them.
If they want to get completely naked at baseball games and give each other Brazilian waxes behind home plate, then I'm probably going to start watching a lot more baseball.

I know, I know. You're saying, "Well, what about me? I'm a parent!! What am I supposed to tell my kids when they see two women scissoring in the on-base circle?!" Well here's what you tell your kids.

"Don't tell your mother."

And just because I can...